This is Your Brain on Drugs

APRIL 19--A California Highway Patrol office was briefly evacuated earlier this month when investigators became concerned that an arrestee might have been carrying a concealed explosive device. When officers collared Steven Ferrini on a drug charge, a search of the 60-year-old suspect turned up "a suspicious wire, with an on/off switch" in his pants pocket. "The wire was found to extend from the pant pocket to the subject's anus," according to a CHP report, though Ferrini claimed that the wire was connected to an anal vibrator, officers became suspicious when he subsequently "began to explain his knowledge of explosives and bomb making." So they called in El Dorado County's explosive ordinance disposal team who rendered the device safe.

This might be a better anti-drug message than the old egg in a frying pan, this is your brain on drugs commercial. Why not update it for today's society with a commercial featuring a normal 60-year old dude playing some golf with the sub-text "This is your brain" and then flash to Steven Ferrini in his car hopped up on meth and furiously clicking the "on" button of the vibrator he had wedged in his cocoa factory with the sub-text "This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?" If mama had told me that smoking pot may lead to an obsession with self-inflicted butt play there is no way I would have ever touched those funny cigarettes. Instead I was left with the D.A.R.E. program - we all know how that one worked out.