The US government needs to come together on an issue that pisses me and, I can assume, every other normal guy off and it isn't the current healthcare system....no....it is an issue far more important and in more need of immediate reform... Its the urination all over the toilet seats in the mens' bathrooms at my workplace, folks. I've been enraged by this for a while and I refuse to stay silent on the issue any longer. My assumption is that this is a universal problem because if you've seen one office then you've seen them all - but even if you don't understand my outrage right now, a time may come when you too find yourself a victim of a toilet seat encrusted with urine. And if that time ever comes then you too will want...no deserve...an explanation of the kind of person who does this and their motivation for doing so.
Unfortunately it's doubtful that a guy who chooses to pee in the confines of a stall is in the business of taking responsibility so I will have to explore my own theories. Now I can see someone opting for a stall if there are no dividers especially if your a little self-conscious, have an erratic spray, or are simply from the school of Larry David. The thing is my office has dividers. In fact, every office I've ever been in has dividers. I'm not talking about the Fenway Park urinal lineup where there are no dividers and your potentially small penis is exposed or your erratic spray can get you pummelled. I'm talking about one urinal...tall divider...second urinal. A curious Shaq couldn't get a peek of my twig and berries in this bathroom. It is completely secure. And yet, every time I go into the bathroom and the handicap stall (love the space) is occupied, I ALWAYS find dried urine all over the seat in the second stall. Its infuriating and there is no one to complain to. Sure, I could find a janitor...I'm sure he has a lot to bitch about...but getting a janitor on my side isn't going to get the job done. So I'm pleading to all of you who are normal and considerate...who enjoy an un-piss-tified seat...to stand up and join me in protest of this grave injustice!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Alas...another movie idea I won't follow through on
As you know I have a brutal job so I spend most of the day surfing around to different online radio shows. Lately, I've been working late so I mix in some local/world news with my daily sports radio intake. The other day I heard a story about a hit and run in which the car was abandoned at the scene of the accident. Naturally, the person of interest was the person who the car was registered too. This got my mind racing a bit. I've always liked thinking of movie ideas and I think I have another winner. Unfortunately, I don't have the discipline to write a script. Here's the idea for whoever wants to get famous courtesy of my creativity....
The same scenario - a hit and run and an abandoned car. The car is registered to a rich asshole who has high powered lawyers. The DA is going after this guy and it becomes apparent that he has a personal vendetta against the rich guy. As the plot progresses, it is discovered that the rich guy had gotten off on extortion charges in a prior case. Assistant DA at the time, the district attorney was unable to prove his case as his star witnesses "mysteriously" refused to testify. He of course believes they were coerced and possibly threatened by the rich man. The DA is determined to make him pay for his crimes this time and runs an aggressive investigation entirely focused on the rich man - making sure to cover all his bases.
As a result of the news coverage, everyone in the public is sure that he is the culprit. The man insists that he is innocent and refuses to enter into a plea. As the veteran DA moves forward with the conviction, he happens upon the rich man's gorgeous wife getting into the car of one of his detectives on the case near his favorite watering hole. He surrepticiously follows the detectives car all the way back to the rich man's former residence. He watches as the rich man's wife and detective appear to be having a conversation...he then sees the woman's head disappear and it is apparent that she is giving the detective oral sex. This is obviously very disconcerting because it could compromise the investigation of the rich man. The DA confronts the detective the next day and asks him what he was doing with the rich man's wife. After realizing that the DA knows more than he is letting on, the detective admits that he is having an affair with the rich man's wife.
...to be continued
The same scenario - a hit and run and an abandoned car. The car is registered to a rich asshole who has high powered lawyers. The DA is going after this guy and it becomes apparent that he has a personal vendetta against the rich guy. As the plot progresses, it is discovered that the rich guy had gotten off on extortion charges in a prior case. Assistant DA at the time, the district attorney was unable to prove his case as his star witnesses "mysteriously" refused to testify. He of course believes they were coerced and possibly threatened by the rich man. The DA is determined to make him pay for his crimes this time and runs an aggressive investigation entirely focused on the rich man - making sure to cover all his bases.
As a result of the news coverage, everyone in the public is sure that he is the culprit. The man insists that he is innocent and refuses to enter into a plea. As the veteran DA moves forward with the conviction, he happens upon the rich man's gorgeous wife getting into the car of one of his detectives on the case near his favorite watering hole. He surrepticiously follows the detectives car all the way back to the rich man's former residence. He watches as the rich man's wife and detective appear to be having a conversation...he then sees the woman's head disappear and it is apparent that she is giving the detective oral sex. This is obviously very disconcerting because it could compromise the investigation of the rich man. The DA confronts the detective the next day and asks him what he was doing with the rich man's wife. After realizing that the DA knows more than he is letting on, the detective admits that he is having an affair with the rich man's wife.
...to be continued
Monday, February 22, 2010
Felger and the sycophant
Everyday at 2 I flip on Felger and Mazz and while Felger's finding a new way to piss me off, Tony Mazz is busy finding ways to agree with him. The problem is that (right now) I can't stop listening to the show. Felger's antagonistic personality fires me up on a daily basis and helps get me through another boring day of work. He's kind of like skoal...I might feel a little shittier about myself when I take out my lipper but I like the buzz I get while I'm doing it. Same goes for listening to Felger bitch and moan about homer fans, lazy players, and cheap execs. When he finally stops ranting at 6 I'm not even sure why I wasted my time listening to him complain but the next day I'm right back at my cube clicking his show on. How much longer can he carry the show though? His complaining and contradictory point of view needs opposition, right? It seems like their recipe (and every other sports radio show) is to take calls from listeners but there aren't enough knowledgeable, jobless fans willing and able to call and combat his opinions from 2 to 6. The reason I'm pissed at Tony Mazz (and CBS because they are probably micromanaging him) is because he doesn't stand his ground against Felger. Ever. Even when he offers a counterpoint he is quick to qualify it to avoid any confrontation between the hosts. Its as if the Sportshub has insisted that Mazz and Felger speak as a united front, and because Felger isn't going to change his opinion for anybody, Mazz gets to play the role of lackey. Just listen. Mazz starts every "counterpoint" with... "I see your point, Mike" or "Your right, Mike" ect. ect. It is brutal. If Mazz would grow a pair and stop agreeing with Felgy all the time the show could really blow WEEI out of the water. For all of our sakes, Mazz either has to step it up and start speaking his mind or CBS has to get a homer in there to go toe-to-toe with Felger.
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