Is America Serious?

NEW YORK -- Tiger Woods has dropped into a tie with Kobe Bryant as the favorite American sports star.

Woods had held the position alone since 2006, but the Los Angeles Lakers guard moved up from fourth last year to grab a share of the top spot, Harris Interactive said Tuesday.

LeBron James dropped from third to sixth in the company's survey of 2,227 adults conducted online June 14-21, before he left Cleveland to sign with Miami. Retired NBA star Michael Jordan fell from second to seventh.

Yankees captain Derek Jeter moved up one spot to third and quarterback Brett Favre went from ninth to fourth. Indianapolis quarterback Peyton Manning was fifth, up from seventh.

New England quarterback Tom Brady, who failed to make the top 10 last year, was at No. 8, followed by New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees and NASCAR's Dale Earnhardt Jr.

So if you're scoring at home the rankings for Favorite American Sports Star go:

1. Tiger (Serial adulterer)
1. Kobe (Rapist)
3. Jeter (little high but belongs on the list)
4. Favre (The all-time interceptions leader, who is only still relevant because he makes Chris Berman and the rest of the media giddier than a 12-year-old at a Twilight premier)
5. Manning (belongs on the list, right below Brady)
6. Lebron (Murdered pro basketball in his home state)
7. Jordan (7th??? Really?)
8. Brady (I can maybe understand having Brady below manning... only because of the injury, but how on earth is he below Favre. This would be like choosing a peanut butter sandwich on stale white bread when you have a warm steak and cheese sitting on the table next to it... just unexplainable)
9. Brees (Ditto)
10. Dale Jr. (I still can't believe there are people that consider Nascar a sport, but I guess its the same people who consider dinner with your sister a hot date...)

What I would really like to know is who the hell Harris Interactive gets to do their polls. I'm pretty sure I could ask every guy I know to name their top 10, and they would have come up with a better list than this. Also, got to love the fact that the NHL got no love. I mean it doesn't surprise me that Nascar gets more love than soccer in the U.S., but you would think Crosby or Ovechkin could beat out a guy whose sport is what the rest of us do to get to work. Tough times

Rate which is a more unlikely sight in Boston:

Seeing a group of foreign chicks walking around Boston on a hot sunny day, not only dressed like cats (tails and all) but also carrying umbrellas.




Or......



Seeing 3 guys riding a jet ski at same time 60 miles north of P-Town.




Although the felines are pretty weird, I think you have to discount how unlikely this is because foreign people are always doing weird crap. I mean not wearing deoderant is pretty acceptable all over Europe, eating dog is not uncommon in some places in S.E. Asia, and mullets and wrestling shoes are in style in a number of places outside the U.S. so who am I to raise an eyebrow at a few chicks dressed up like cats. I think it would have been far more unlikely if these chicks were smokeshows. I'm always seeing movies where the ridiculously hot forieng exchange students head to America, but I'm guessing these babes are not going to make the GTA cut on Barstool. Just your average ugly, foreign, weirdos.

With that in mind, I think the vote has got to be for the Boston Three Party. Thank god the guy on the front is wearing a life jacket because the middle guy looks pretty excited to be the meat in that manwich. No telling when a misplaced thrust could send someone tumbling into the ocean. Could someone also get me the brand name of that jet ski, because any crotch rocket that can tow that kind of anchor must have more balls than the celtics locker room.

What's your vote?

And The Newest Survivor: Nicaragua Contestant Is...

Jimmy Johnson... Really?

I guess Jimbo just had to move on after ExTenze dropped him as their spokesperson.

Amish Kid Caught Ridin’ Dirty

(July 21) -- Kids these days. Give them the keys to the horse and carriage, and they go wild. Levi Detweiler, a 17-year-old Amish kid from Leon, N.Y., allegedly ran a stop sign in his horse and buggy, leading authorities on a mile-long low-speed chase.

Detweiler took a sharp turn too fast and turned the buggy over, rolling it into a ditch, police said. It took the Cattaraugus County Sheriff's Office a week to investigate the incident, which ended with Levi being charged with underage possession of alcohol, reckless endangerment, over-driving an animal, failure to stop at a stop sign and failure to yield to an emergency vehicle.

First off I would like to apologize for my extended absence, I thought about writing a lot, but in the words of Aldous Snow, “I just went right on living my life.” Now that that is all squared away, on to the Amish Lindsay Lohan. My guess is that Levi was going through the typical teenage rebellion phase and decided to get a little liquored up, hitch up the wagon and take a ride through sin-town aka the real world. Everything was going smooth as home-churned butter for Levi until his best Jeff Gordon impersonation led him to blaze through a stop sign at 5 miles per hour. Now with the authorities on his tail, Levi really only had two options. Stop, and likely get beaten with a hickory stick by his old man, or take another swig of moonshine, whip his horses, and make a break for it. Easy call for an experienced buggy driver. Unfortunately for Levi, he misjudged a rather precarious 30 degree turn and tossed the carriage faster than Britney Spears on a three day coke binge.

The questions I have are about the charges against this kid.

1. how the hell did he escape a DUI? You can get a DUI for being drunk in a parked car if the keys are in it. This kid was whipping a mean 8 miles an hour with a 2 ton death carriage. How did it take a weeklong investigation to say, yep this kid evaded cops and flipped a buggy while hammered, but we're not charging him with a DUI?

2. what the hell is over-driving an animal? Is it like a little league pitch count where the horse can’t exceed 15 miles in a day?

3. Isn’t living in an Amish village worse than jail anyway?

Villa-No-Fun

I hope Shane really likes fishing, because I don't think he will be counting too much money while he is playing for the 10th place team in the Portuguese league. I'm a little shocked they even allow basketball in Portugal. I figured the country stuck to sports like soccer since it would be too dangerous to practice their renowned diving techniques on the hardwood.

Definitely makes me wonder how Shane ended up in Portugal in the first place. I mean he was no star, but you'd think he could crack a team in Italy or Spain. Is it possible that he asked for a cat during contract negotiations? I mean with Shane mumbling and a little mis-translation, I can almost picture a movie-like scene where Shane's desire for a cute little cat to rub down on is misinterpreted as a desire to rub the Owner's daughter's kitty cat?

I guess this just shows us why athletes should stay in school. Oh wait, Shane stayed in school and graduated... somebody call Dickie V and let him know that he can cut the song and dance about how staying in school prepares kids for the real world. College ain't for everyone.

Billy the King

With news that notoriously awful GM Billy King is being given another chance to run a team into the ground with his new job as GM of the Nets, I got to looking around the old information super highway to see if there was anything that justified his hiring. And that's when I came across this gem, when Billy boy tried to "handle" when AI and C-Webb showed up late to fan appreciation night. I'm not sure how this has not ended up on a Coors light commercial yet. I guess maybe the fact he dropped more F-bombs than you'd hear during a day on Revere Beach, caused Coors to shy away.

Below is a little sample of King's tirade:

"I'm not sitting here worrying about, yes, should they be here? It's going to be addressed. They're going to be fined. That's all the [bad word] I can do about it. I can't sit here and keep a stopwatch to let you guys know when they're here.

"They're not here. When they get here, they'll be late and they'll be [bleep] fined. That's what the [bleep] I'm going to talk about. All right? Our team is not good right now. I know that, and worrying about the [bleep] that they're late or not doesn't do any [bleeping] bit of good to be sitting here worrying about it.

"We didn't make the playoffs. I've got a lot of [bleeping] work to do, and this is some [bleep] that is a distraction to me. Am I pissed off? You're [bleeping] damn right I am. Is that what you want to hear? You [bleeping] heard it."

What's even scarier is that before this tirade, King was known as a pretty cool customer. A guy so smart, polished, and poised that local Democrats once mused about asking him to run for the U.S. Senate.

I always thought Philly fans were unlucky having Billy King run their team, but knowing he could have been in charge of the entire state of Pennsylvania and had 1 of 50 votes on any major decision for the country makes having him run your NBA team seem like a blessing.

I mean this is the guy who gave a goon like Matt Geiger a 6 year $51M contract when Geiger was in his mid 30s. Unsurprisngly to everyone but Billy, after three years and less production than George Muresan, Geiger was out of the league.

If this was a one time thing, maybe King gets a pass, but Billy was like a Florida Casino for washed up power forwards. A great place for them to grow old and try to get rich.

King inked Kenny Thomas, Elton Brand, and a plethora of others to huge deals despite career threatening injuries, histories of underperformance, or the propensity to eat more late night cheeseburgers than a sauced up David Hasslehoff.

Imagine this guy in the Senate... I can see him now offering Bernie Madoff a 5-year 100 million dollar deal to resurrect his career and manage Pennsylvania's pension fund. Or maybe he could ink a 9-year 200 billion dollar deal with Russia for the rights to Siberia. With this guy at the helm the possibilites are endless. I'm just hoping he gets enamored enough with an aging KG to send us Brook Lopez and Courtney Lee. Sounds crazy, but with Billy King, you just never know

Ain't buying it

(CNN) -- To his congregants, he lived the humble existence of a pastor. But a high-flying Connecticut priest was charged this week with first-degree larceny in the theft of almost $1.3 million from his church's coffers to fund a lavish double life that included swanky hotels and male escorts.

Father Kevin Gray, 64, a former pastor at Sacred Heart Church in Waterbury, allegedly embezzled money from the church over the course of seven years. Along with expensive taste, Gray allegedly kept company with a number of male escorts, and allowed some to have credit cards in their names.

One escort, Islagar Labrada, allegedly charged more than $49,000 to the account.

Another man, Weirui Zhong, who told police he met Gray in Central Park in 2005, said Gray paid for his rented apartment in New York, a piano, dogs and Harvard University tuition since 2008, according to the affidavit.

Zhong told authorities that when he pressed Gray about why he was always paying him with checks from Sacred Heart Church, Gray told him that he won big cases as an attorney, and that he put all his live savings into the church account. --


Now wait just one second. Is anyone buying the story that "Weirdo" Zhong is selling here? It's not like Father Gray had some elaborate scheme like Madoff. The guy is writing you checks from Sacred Heart church for chissakes.

I wish people would just tell the truth and say yeah I thought it was fishier than a softball locker room but the guy is freaking footing my 50K tuition bill, who am I to mess with a good thing.

Also, cut the crap on meeting Father Madoff in central park. The only way you two met in central park is if it was in one f the realst areas. Let's just call a spade a spade Zhong. You were fishing for a sugar daddy, likely in the bathroom of one of those swanky hotels Father Gay (typo, I swear) was frequenting and now you got to deal with the cavity. Don't insult is with this innocent victim routine. As a wise man once said, Barbaric!

Salutations, Jermaine!

Big Baby and Baby Face gonna run shit this year

SCHWEINSTEIGER!

Bastian Schweinsteiger is tearing it up on and off the pitch. The guy's girlfriend crushes dark beer during the game and has a constant hair blowing in the wind look while Schweinsteiger makes men look like boys with his bleached blond hair and awesome name. How can you root against this guy?

Camo-Wearing Bow Hunters Marry in a Tree in Iowa

Anamosa, Iowa - An Iowa couple whose passion for bowhunting encouraged Cupid's arrow to strike wore camouflage to blend in with the wooded backdrop at their treetop wedding.

Forty-two year old Kim Silver dressed in a silk gown made by camouflage specialist Mossy Oak, and her 61 year old groom, Marvin Hunter, was dressed in camo shirt and pants at the Saturday nuptials.

They said their vows atop a tree stand hunting platform at the Anamosa Bowhunters Club in the state's northeast. The bride and groom occassionally punctuated the ceremony by firing arrows at targets.

Hunter said the couple had always joked about getting married on a tree stand. Silver said they hunt together so much that the camo wedding "just seemed like the right thing to do."

Aside from the fact that it involved people from "Iowa", this story captured my attention for a few reasons. For one, this hunter had the last name Hunter. You think this is his real name? Maybe that's why he became a hunter? Or maybe he changed it because obviously the single chicks at the hunting club would do anything to marry a guy with the last name hunter?? I'm guessing the last scenario is the case because, like it or not, your name says a lot about you. It's why you've never heard of a porn star named Stuart Little, why Curtis Jackson went with the improper grammar in his nickname (50 Cent for all you Wanksta's), and why all women's rights activists insist on a hyphenated last name. Kim Silver is weak. Kim Hunter....well that sounds like a gal that can kill a defenseless animal with the best of them. And you can bet your ass Kim ain't hyphenating nothin'. But why did she agree to dress in camo and get married in a tree? I get that these two love birds like to hunt together, but it seems a little over-the-top, right? That would be like me getting married in a pair of netted shorts (no underwear) on the couch during a re-run of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Or Simple Jack saying his vows to a napping Zulie. So Kim can stop with the dog and pony show about how the tree wedding was the "right thing to do." Just be honest and tell us you were in it for the last name and didn't want anyone but the priest seeing you kiss the old bag.

Little Kid Footstools.... Brilliant!

The Western New York father who says putting an ad on Craigslist to sell his children was just a joke had better hope he gets a judge with a sense of humor.

Joshua Stagnitto of Brockport appeared in Sweden Town Court last night, where he pleaded not guilty to third-degree falsely reporting an incident.

Stagnitto was arrested two weeks ago after someone saw the ad and reported it to Monroe County Child Protective Services. They alerted state police….who say they checked on the kids, who were fine and in no danger of being sold at any time. They say Stagnitto told them it was just a joke. They said “we’re not laughing” and arrested him on the misdemeanor charge.

The ad, by the way, listed his sons for $200 for both of them, or just $40 apiece…and said they were good for slavery or as foot stools.

Stagnitto is due back in court in July.

He says he loves his kids and would never do anything to hurt them. He also says in a way, it’s good that he got arrested….because it shows that if someone really did try to do this, they’d get caught.

Stagnitto says he’s gotten a lot of flack since the story first broke. And he says he agrees with his wife… who says what he did was stupid.

I'm not sure what's worse here, that the cops thought their "we're not laughing" line was clever enough to repeat to the reporter who wrote this story or that Josh "The Mosquito" Stagnitto was forced to agree with his wife when she calls him an idiot.

Now I'm not saying Josh is a MENSA candidate. I mean the guy clearly does not understand pricing. Here's a tip Josh, you offer someone a discount for buying in bulk. Why would anyone buy 2 kids for $200 when they could buy them both separately for a total of $80? Even so, I kinda like his foot stool marketing idea. How sweet would it be to have a few people that would form a chair for you, one to act as a side table for your beer and chips, and a little kid to put your feet up on after a hard day of work. Brilliant!

In addition to his marketing ingenuity, The Stag man did a service to the community by ferreting out the creep who reported him. I mean what kind of sick crap was that guy looking for when he "stumbled" upon footstools made of little kids? I'm trying to picture the search terms that would bring that up? This guy has got to be a class 5 predator doesn't he? I think the only thing left to do is write to Budweiser and get them to recognize Josh in their real men of genius campaign. Mr. Furniture made of children inventor, has a pretty nice ring to it.