Annoying Athletes

So a few weeks ago, Bills wrote a post about the most annoying athletes. While I don't contest that all of his selections are annoying, he had some very glaring omissions. I will grant him Tebow has made a strong charge to be included on the 1st Team All-League Annoying squad, but before we anoint him as the "Chosen One" of all things annoying, lets go over some of the criteria we need to consider when we choose this team.

Criteria for All-League Annoying

1. Athlete is currently relevant in their sport
Apologies to Sasha Vujacic and Adam Morrison, but no matter how much porn star facial hair you grow or how many awkward chest bumps you give out, guys who sit on the end of the bench are not making the all-league team regardless of how annoying they are. Curt Schilling also gets cut here since he is more washed up than Tiffany Amber Thiessen

2. Athlete competes in a sport that is relevant in today's society
Sorry Michael Phelps but as geeky as your smile and "Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy" haircut is, swimming is not and will never be a relevant sport. When your sport is an afterthought only once every 4 years, you do not qualify. Unfortunately this rules out Coach from Survivor (I consider this more of a sport than swimming and track, and just behind lacrosse) and every male figure skater.

3. Athlete gets fawned over by the media more than Suri Cruise
Sorry Kevin Youkilis, Jonathan Papelbon, and every hockey player not named Crosby or Ovechkin, but no media personalities outside your home city even know who you are. So despite Youk's extreme sweating problem and gross stance, and most hockey player's annoying (read: awesome for them) ability to pull chicks that are way out of their league, neither are going to make the squad.

4. Athlete has at least one signature annoying moment that makes you want to throw up in your mouth
So long Manu Ginobli, and Landon Donovan. Despite the soccer style flops that both have made famous and the serious male pattern baldness that both like to sport, I can't remember a press conference or commercial or even a soundbite from either of these two. It's almost a tribute to them both that they have annoyed me without me remembering them ever saying a single word, but unfortunately that doesn't get you to the top.

So without further ado, here is you starting five....
1. Brett Favre
Tons of INTs, the prolonged retire / comeback saga, terrible Wrangler jeans commercials, and a disregard for the Green Bay faithful that adored him for years is pretty solid case for Favre. Throw on top of it that ESPN's Chris Berman gets more flushed than a fifth grader who just let a fart slip in class every time Favre's name is brought upand Brett is a first ballot all-annoying hall of famer

2. Alex Rodriguez
Choking under pressure, purple lips, Centaur portraits, bicep kissing, dating a 50-year old Skeletor look-alike (AKA Madonna). And to top it all off, a contrived, "apology" for cheating that was less believable than OJ's murder defense. Need I say more?

3. Duke Basketball
Greg Paulus, Josh McRoberts, Cameron Crazies, floor slapping, Thomas Hill Crying, Chistian Laetner stomping on people, emotional player-coach hugs. This team makes me physically sick. Throw on top of it the way that Dickie V acts like a 12-year old twilight fan that just met Taylor Lautner whenever he talks about the Blue Devils and there is no arguing Duke belongs among the all-time greats of annoying behavior.

4. Kobe Bryant
Rape in Colorado, yelling at teammates, countless condescending press conferences, the "try to look intense" underbite, the Jordan copycat fist pump. Like A-Rod, nothing about Kobe seems real. The real annoying moment came when Spike Lee made his TV show following Kobe around and Kobe tried to pretend he got along with his teammates. However, they seemed so surprised when Kobe acted friendly toward them, that you would have thought they were Bruce Willis starting to figure things out in the 6th Sense.

5. Tim Tebow
Tebow just cracks the starting 5. Relevant sport: football, check. Athlete is relevant: Heisman winner, check. Media Fawning: Let's see I have seen more of Tim Tebow than I have of the 20 odd picks in front of him combined, so yeah check. One Shining Moment: Tebow's "immortalized" speech guaranteeing a championship, his interview with Jon Gruden, his interviews about his work in the Philippines, take your pick.. the guy has got thousands, check please! Throw in the virginity, and his I'm a better christian than you attitude, and yeah I think Tebow makes the list in his rookie season.

Honorable Mention:
- The Manning brothers
- Rafael Nadal
- David Beckham
- Lebron James
- Sergio Garcia
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Thoughts on athletes I left out or other criteria we should add?