In a candid moment during Final Four weekend in Indianapolis, Duke coach, Mike Krzyzewski, opened up to Shruting the Shit's own Simple Jack about his struggles with constipation and how a simple remedy has changed his life.
SJ: So what was it like battling severe constipation all these years?
MK: You really don't know the kind of pain I have been in. The frustration of wasted time on the toilet when I would push and push and nothing would come of it... it was more hopeless than the pro careers of most of the guys that came through Cameron Indoor. Also, living in constant fear that my next fart might be a wet one... it's tough holding that inside. I don't know what was more scary for me, having Greg Paulus as my starting point guard for 3 years or having to let one rip last week after we beat Baylor.
SJ: Wow, that is amazing. I can't imagine the pain of having to watch Greg Paulus slap the floor and pretend to play defense and Josh McRoberts wander aimlessly through games for two full years. All without the satisfaction of a solid deuce... Barbarrriiicccc.
MK: It really was. I mean, I'm a military guy, so I'm used to tough conditions, but this really stretched me to my limits.
SJ: So what finally changed? How did you get over it? Clearly your team is still softer than a duvet cover? You lack a low-post presence (just because Brian "I look like I belong at the Zoo"Bec scores 6 points and grabs a few boards against a WVU team with no center does not make him a post presence), and you have not even one first round lock in this summer's draft.
MK: I'm glad you asked that Jack, because it is so simple. The secret is the slow clap. I grit my teeth, make a face like I am trying to squeeze Steve Wojohowski through my rectum, and clap like I am rooting for Adam Banks to put the Mighty Ducks back on top. As you can see from the picture above, the method has been quite effective.
SJ: Well Mike, thanks for sharing. Screw another national championship, The Coach K grimace and slow clap should be an inspiration to constipated men and women everywhere. It's all about the fundamentals, and no one teaches them better than you. Thanks for your time and good luck tonight.
MK: Well thanks for having me. It feels good to be able to give something back to the community. Let's just hope I can squeeze a solid one out before the game so I can concentrate on solving the Butler whitewash.
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