APRIL 27--A man who wrapped his head in toilet paper was caught on surveillance video as he calmly pulled off the knifepoint robbery of a Nebraska convenience store Saturday night. The video shows the unknown robber walking up to Kabredlo's, a Lincoln store, as a clerk was smoking outside. After accompanying the employee back inside, the suspect flashed a knife "and demanded money from the safe," according to investigators. The clerk complied, emptying the safe and a cash register into a bag held by the robber, who police described as a white male, 25 to 33 years old, with "blue eyes and a skinny face." At one point, when a woman approached the store, the concealed robber locked the front door and "shook his head no," cops reported. The woman left and called 911. After officers responded to the scene, a police dog followed the suspect's scent for a couple of block--locating "some toilet paper on the ground" along the way--before the track went cold. The suspect's toilet paper coverup has, so far, served its purpose. "With that disguise, there isn't much to go on," a Lincoln Police Department spokesperson told TSG
I know it's a recession, but this has to be the cheapest thief we have ever run into. This guy would make Larry David proud. Not only did he skimp on the weapon when he traded down from the glock to a pocket knife, but even worse he decided that panty hose over the face was just too much of a luxury. I'm no master of disguise, but toilet paper just doesn't seem like it would be ideal for the job. Even Harry and Marv wouldn't be caught dead being labeled as the toilet paper bandits.
What is a little disheartening is that the cops are treating this guy like he was Kaiser goddamn Soze. I mean if you can't catch a guy who put this little effort into a robbery, there is not a whole lot of hope that you are going to stop any real criminals. I'd bet 100 dollars this guy didn't even opt for the Quilted Northern. He probably stole some single ply from a local gas station bathroom, yet even with the help of the dogs, the Lincoln PD was unable to track this 'mastermind' down. On a scale of 1 to Nicole Ritchie (read: completely useless) what would you rate the Lincoln Police Department? I'm going with a solid 7. Come on, at least they found the bastard's ingenious disguise.
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I think you got it all wrong here Simple Jack, Nicole Richie is pretty useful barometer from a guys point of view. Mainly because If a girl is talking about her you can be about 85% sure you can get her in bed with you, and 100% sure you will never call her again if you do.
ReplyDeleteYou do have to give this guy a little bit of credit. It might be tough to come by a pair of panty hose if your in Lincoln Nebraska. Odds are that if you went into a store and bought some you'd be incriminating yourself pretty bad. But you can find toilet paper anywhere and even men are sometimes forced to go to the store and purchase it when there is no woman taking care of that business - so it's a lot harder to track. Pretty genius if you ask me.
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