Let's just call a spade a spade

New York (CNN) -- The daughter of former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani was arrested after police said she shoplifted items at a cosmetic store.

Caroline Giuliani, 20, was charged with one count of petty larceny after the incident at a Sephora skincare and makeup store Wednesday, the New York Police Department said.

She is the younger of Giuliani's two children with his ex-wife, Donna Hanover, a television reporter and actress.

Since his public divorce from Hanover and his marriage to Judith Nathan, Giuliani's relationship with his children has been strained, The New York Times reported in March 2007.

He missed his son's high school graduation and Caroline's plays, The Times reported.

I have a few bones to pick with this story. First, how can they call what Caroline "Shrek" Giuliani did a crime? Clearly a much bigger crime against humanity is leaving the house without a bag over her head. Sweet Caroline probably goes through makeup faster than the Blue man Group, so who could blame her for taking the five finger discount every once in a while. In fact, if I was Sephora, I would be giving her anything she wanted free of charge as long as she promised never to hang out in my store. Remember, its tough to sell twelve year old girls on the fact that your makeup will make them beautiful when the Horse Whisperer is walking around your store trying on lipstick.

Which brings me to my second, albeit unrelated, point. Are we really going to blame poor Rudi for this one. So he missed a few plays, I guess I wasn't aware that this correlated with driving your kids toward petty larceny. I can only imagine what Charlie Manson or Ted Kaczinsky must be saying about their fathers. Bet their dads must have missed them win a three-legged race or something and then just threw them completely off the rails.

More importantly, I thought there was a rule that Dad's have a free pass to miss any and all plays, recitals, concerts, and anything else that would have me snoring faster than a Thanksgiving food coma. This excuse is called Golf and its authority should never be questioned. Oh yeah, I didn't even mention the fact that Rudi was simultaneously trying to rebuild New York after the biggest attack since Pearl Harbor and running for President, guy is a real slacker. So anyway, let's just call a spade a spade.. or more fitting for Caroline, lets just call an ogre an ogre. She stole, she got caught, she's not easy on the eyes... case closed.

Kazaam!

In an effort to rejuvenate the franchise with some younger talent, Doc Rivers has brought in a 7' 3" powerhouse from LSU. At the tender age of 38, Shaq will bring the energy, passion, and youth that the team needs. Rivers was quoted as saying, " I love the video game Shaq-Fu, the movie Kazaam, and the song Phil is my father, (cuz my biological didn't bother)... He [Shaq] clearly gets what the young viewers want, and I think that his fresh legs and phenomenal free throw shooting abilities will push us over our last season's precipice."

SHAQ DIESEL... MAKE EM SHAKE, MAKE EM SHIVER

Is America Serious?

NEW YORK -- Tiger Woods has dropped into a tie with Kobe Bryant as the favorite American sports star.

Woods had held the position alone since 2006, but the Los Angeles Lakers guard moved up from fourth last year to grab a share of the top spot, Harris Interactive said Tuesday.

LeBron James dropped from third to sixth in the company's survey of 2,227 adults conducted online June 14-21, before he left Cleveland to sign with Miami. Retired NBA star Michael Jordan fell from second to seventh.

Yankees captain Derek Jeter moved up one spot to third and quarterback Brett Favre went from ninth to fourth. Indianapolis quarterback Peyton Manning was fifth, up from seventh.

New England quarterback Tom Brady, who failed to make the top 10 last year, was at No. 8, followed by New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees and NASCAR's Dale Earnhardt Jr.

So if you're scoring at home the rankings for Favorite American Sports Star go:

1. Tiger (Serial adulterer)
1. Kobe (Rapist)
3. Jeter (little high but belongs on the list)
4. Favre (The all-time interceptions leader, who is only still relevant because he makes Chris Berman and the rest of the media giddier than a 12-year-old at a Twilight premier)
5. Manning (belongs on the list, right below Brady)
6. Lebron (Murdered pro basketball in his home state)
7. Jordan (7th??? Really?)
8. Brady (I can maybe understand having Brady below manning... only because of the injury, but how on earth is he below Favre. This would be like choosing a peanut butter sandwich on stale white bread when you have a warm steak and cheese sitting on the table next to it... just unexplainable)
9. Brees (Ditto)
10. Dale Jr. (I still can't believe there are people that consider Nascar a sport, but I guess its the same people who consider dinner with your sister a hot date...)

What I would really like to know is who the hell Harris Interactive gets to do their polls. I'm pretty sure I could ask every guy I know to name their top 10, and they would have come up with a better list than this. Also, got to love the fact that the NHL got no love. I mean it doesn't surprise me that Nascar gets more love than soccer in the U.S., but you would think Crosby or Ovechkin could beat out a guy whose sport is what the rest of us do to get to work. Tough times

Rate which is a more unlikely sight in Boston:

Seeing a group of foreign chicks walking around Boston on a hot sunny day, not only dressed like cats (tails and all) but also carrying umbrellas.




Or......



Seeing 3 guys riding a jet ski at same time 60 miles north of P-Town.




Although the felines are pretty weird, I think you have to discount how unlikely this is because foreign people are always doing weird crap. I mean not wearing deoderant is pretty acceptable all over Europe, eating dog is not uncommon in some places in S.E. Asia, and mullets and wrestling shoes are in style in a number of places outside the U.S. so who am I to raise an eyebrow at a few chicks dressed up like cats. I think it would have been far more unlikely if these chicks were smokeshows. I'm always seeing movies where the ridiculously hot forieng exchange students head to America, but I'm guessing these babes are not going to make the GTA cut on Barstool. Just your average ugly, foreign, weirdos.

With that in mind, I think the vote has got to be for the Boston Three Party. Thank god the guy on the front is wearing a life jacket because the middle guy looks pretty excited to be the meat in that manwich. No telling when a misplaced thrust could send someone tumbling into the ocean. Could someone also get me the brand name of that jet ski, because any crotch rocket that can tow that kind of anchor must have more balls than the celtics locker room.

What's your vote?

And The Newest Survivor: Nicaragua Contestant Is...

Jimmy Johnson... Really?

I guess Jimbo just had to move on after ExTenze dropped him as their spokesperson.

Amish Kid Caught Ridin’ Dirty

(July 21) -- Kids these days. Give them the keys to the horse and carriage, and they go wild. Levi Detweiler, a 17-year-old Amish kid from Leon, N.Y., allegedly ran a stop sign in his horse and buggy, leading authorities on a mile-long low-speed chase.

Detweiler took a sharp turn too fast and turned the buggy over, rolling it into a ditch, police said. It took the Cattaraugus County Sheriff's Office a week to investigate the incident, which ended with Levi being charged with underage possession of alcohol, reckless endangerment, over-driving an animal, failure to stop at a stop sign and failure to yield to an emergency vehicle.

First off I would like to apologize for my extended absence, I thought about writing a lot, but in the words of Aldous Snow, “I just went right on living my life.” Now that that is all squared away, on to the Amish Lindsay Lohan. My guess is that Levi was going through the typical teenage rebellion phase and decided to get a little liquored up, hitch up the wagon and take a ride through sin-town aka the real world. Everything was going smooth as home-churned butter for Levi until his best Jeff Gordon impersonation led him to blaze through a stop sign at 5 miles per hour. Now with the authorities on his tail, Levi really only had two options. Stop, and likely get beaten with a hickory stick by his old man, or take another swig of moonshine, whip his horses, and make a break for it. Easy call for an experienced buggy driver. Unfortunately for Levi, he misjudged a rather precarious 30 degree turn and tossed the carriage faster than Britney Spears on a three day coke binge.

The questions I have are about the charges against this kid.

1. how the hell did he escape a DUI? You can get a DUI for being drunk in a parked car if the keys are in it. This kid was whipping a mean 8 miles an hour with a 2 ton death carriage. How did it take a weeklong investigation to say, yep this kid evaded cops and flipped a buggy while hammered, but we're not charging him with a DUI?

2. what the hell is over-driving an animal? Is it like a little league pitch count where the horse can’t exceed 15 miles in a day?

3. Isn’t living in an Amish village worse than jail anyway?

Villa-No-Fun

I hope Shane really likes fishing, because I don't think he will be counting too much money while he is playing for the 10th place team in the Portuguese league. I'm a little shocked they even allow basketball in Portugal. I figured the country stuck to sports like soccer since it would be too dangerous to practice their renowned diving techniques on the hardwood.

Definitely makes me wonder how Shane ended up in Portugal in the first place. I mean he was no star, but you'd think he could crack a team in Italy or Spain. Is it possible that he asked for a cat during contract negotiations? I mean with Shane mumbling and a little mis-translation, I can almost picture a movie-like scene where Shane's desire for a cute little cat to rub down on is misinterpreted as a desire to rub the Owner's daughter's kitty cat?

I guess this just shows us why athletes should stay in school. Oh wait, Shane stayed in school and graduated... somebody call Dickie V and let him know that he can cut the song and dance about how staying in school prepares kids for the real world. College ain't for everyone.

Billy the King

With news that notoriously awful GM Billy King is being given another chance to run a team into the ground with his new job as GM of the Nets, I got to looking around the old information super highway to see if there was anything that justified his hiring. And that's when I came across this gem, when Billy boy tried to "handle" when AI and C-Webb showed up late to fan appreciation night. I'm not sure how this has not ended up on a Coors light commercial yet. I guess maybe the fact he dropped more F-bombs than you'd hear during a day on Revere Beach, caused Coors to shy away.

Below is a little sample of King's tirade:

"I'm not sitting here worrying about, yes, should they be here? It's going to be addressed. They're going to be fined. That's all the [bad word] I can do about it. I can't sit here and keep a stopwatch to let you guys know when they're here.

"They're not here. When they get here, they'll be late and they'll be [bleep] fined. That's what the [bleep] I'm going to talk about. All right? Our team is not good right now. I know that, and worrying about the [bleep] that they're late or not doesn't do any [bleeping] bit of good to be sitting here worrying about it.

"We didn't make the playoffs. I've got a lot of [bleeping] work to do, and this is some [bleep] that is a distraction to me. Am I pissed off? You're [bleeping] damn right I am. Is that what you want to hear? You [bleeping] heard it."

What's even scarier is that before this tirade, King was known as a pretty cool customer. A guy so smart, polished, and poised that local Democrats once mused about asking him to run for the U.S. Senate.

I always thought Philly fans were unlucky having Billy King run their team, but knowing he could have been in charge of the entire state of Pennsylvania and had 1 of 50 votes on any major decision for the country makes having him run your NBA team seem like a blessing.

I mean this is the guy who gave a goon like Matt Geiger a 6 year $51M contract when Geiger was in his mid 30s. Unsurprisngly to everyone but Billy, after three years and less production than George Muresan, Geiger was out of the league.

If this was a one time thing, maybe King gets a pass, but Billy was like a Florida Casino for washed up power forwards. A great place for them to grow old and try to get rich.

King inked Kenny Thomas, Elton Brand, and a plethora of others to huge deals despite career threatening injuries, histories of underperformance, or the propensity to eat more late night cheeseburgers than a sauced up David Hasslehoff.

Imagine this guy in the Senate... I can see him now offering Bernie Madoff a 5-year 100 million dollar deal to resurrect his career and manage Pennsylvania's pension fund. Or maybe he could ink a 9-year 200 billion dollar deal with Russia for the rights to Siberia. With this guy at the helm the possibilites are endless. I'm just hoping he gets enamored enough with an aging KG to send us Brook Lopez and Courtney Lee. Sounds crazy, but with Billy King, you just never know

Ain't buying it

(CNN) -- To his congregants, he lived the humble existence of a pastor. But a high-flying Connecticut priest was charged this week with first-degree larceny in the theft of almost $1.3 million from his church's coffers to fund a lavish double life that included swanky hotels and male escorts.

Father Kevin Gray, 64, a former pastor at Sacred Heart Church in Waterbury, allegedly embezzled money from the church over the course of seven years. Along with expensive taste, Gray allegedly kept company with a number of male escorts, and allowed some to have credit cards in their names.

One escort, Islagar Labrada, allegedly charged more than $49,000 to the account.

Another man, Weirui Zhong, who told police he met Gray in Central Park in 2005, said Gray paid for his rented apartment in New York, a piano, dogs and Harvard University tuition since 2008, according to the affidavit.

Zhong told authorities that when he pressed Gray about why he was always paying him with checks from Sacred Heart Church, Gray told him that he won big cases as an attorney, and that he put all his live savings into the church account. --


Now wait just one second. Is anyone buying the story that "Weirdo" Zhong is selling here? It's not like Father Gray had some elaborate scheme like Madoff. The guy is writing you checks from Sacred Heart church for chissakes.

I wish people would just tell the truth and say yeah I thought it was fishier than a softball locker room but the guy is freaking footing my 50K tuition bill, who am I to mess with a good thing.

Also, cut the crap on meeting Father Madoff in central park. The only way you two met in central park is if it was in one f the realst areas. Let's just call a spade a spade Zhong. You were fishing for a sugar daddy, likely in the bathroom of one of those swanky hotels Father Gay (typo, I swear) was frequenting and now you got to deal with the cavity. Don't insult is with this innocent victim routine. As a wise man once said, Barbaric!

Salutations, Jermaine!

Big Baby and Baby Face gonna run shit this year

SCHWEINSTEIGER!

Bastian Schweinsteiger is tearing it up on and off the pitch. The guy's girlfriend crushes dark beer during the game and has a constant hair blowing in the wind look while Schweinsteiger makes men look like boys with his bleached blond hair and awesome name. How can you root against this guy?

Camo-Wearing Bow Hunters Marry in a Tree in Iowa

Anamosa, Iowa - An Iowa couple whose passion for bowhunting encouraged Cupid's arrow to strike wore camouflage to blend in with the wooded backdrop at their treetop wedding.

Forty-two year old Kim Silver dressed in a silk gown made by camouflage specialist Mossy Oak, and her 61 year old groom, Marvin Hunter, was dressed in camo shirt and pants at the Saturday nuptials.

They said their vows atop a tree stand hunting platform at the Anamosa Bowhunters Club in the state's northeast. The bride and groom occassionally punctuated the ceremony by firing arrows at targets.

Hunter said the couple had always joked about getting married on a tree stand. Silver said they hunt together so much that the camo wedding "just seemed like the right thing to do."

Aside from the fact that it involved people from "Iowa", this story captured my attention for a few reasons. For one, this hunter had the last name Hunter. You think this is his real name? Maybe that's why he became a hunter? Or maybe he changed it because obviously the single chicks at the hunting club would do anything to marry a guy with the last name hunter?? I'm guessing the last scenario is the case because, like it or not, your name says a lot about you. It's why you've never heard of a porn star named Stuart Little, why Curtis Jackson went with the improper grammar in his nickname (50 Cent for all you Wanksta's), and why all women's rights activists insist on a hyphenated last name. Kim Silver is weak. Kim Hunter....well that sounds like a gal that can kill a defenseless animal with the best of them. And you can bet your ass Kim ain't hyphenating nothin'. But why did she agree to dress in camo and get married in a tree? I get that these two love birds like to hunt together, but it seems a little over-the-top, right? That would be like me getting married in a pair of netted shorts (no underwear) on the couch during a re-run of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Or Simple Jack saying his vows to a napping Zulie. So Kim can stop with the dog and pony show about how the tree wedding was the "right thing to do." Just be honest and tell us you were in it for the last name and didn't want anyone but the priest seeing you kiss the old bag.

Little Kid Footstools.... Brilliant!

The Western New York father who says putting an ad on Craigslist to sell his children was just a joke had better hope he gets a judge with a sense of humor.

Joshua Stagnitto of Brockport appeared in Sweden Town Court last night, where he pleaded not guilty to third-degree falsely reporting an incident.

Stagnitto was arrested two weeks ago after someone saw the ad and reported it to Monroe County Child Protective Services. They alerted state police….who say they checked on the kids, who were fine and in no danger of being sold at any time. They say Stagnitto told them it was just a joke. They said “we’re not laughing” and arrested him on the misdemeanor charge.

The ad, by the way, listed his sons for $200 for both of them, or just $40 apiece…and said they were good for slavery or as foot stools.

Stagnitto is due back in court in July.

He says he loves his kids and would never do anything to hurt them. He also says in a way, it’s good that he got arrested….because it shows that if someone really did try to do this, they’d get caught.

Stagnitto says he’s gotten a lot of flack since the story first broke. And he says he agrees with his wife… who says what he did was stupid.

I'm not sure what's worse here, that the cops thought their "we're not laughing" line was clever enough to repeat to the reporter who wrote this story or that Josh "The Mosquito" Stagnitto was forced to agree with his wife when she calls him an idiot.

Now I'm not saying Josh is a MENSA candidate. I mean the guy clearly does not understand pricing. Here's a tip Josh, you offer someone a discount for buying in bulk. Why would anyone buy 2 kids for $200 when they could buy them both separately for a total of $80? Even so, I kinda like his foot stool marketing idea. How sweet would it be to have a few people that would form a chair for you, one to act as a side table for your beer and chips, and a little kid to put your feet up on after a hard day of work. Brilliant!

In addition to his marketing ingenuity, The Stag man did a service to the community by ferreting out the creep who reported him. I mean what kind of sick crap was that guy looking for when he "stumbled" upon footstools made of little kids? I'm trying to picture the search terms that would bring that up? This guy has got to be a class 5 predator doesn't he? I think the only thing left to do is write to Budweiser and get them to recognize Josh in their real men of genius campaign. Mr. Furniture made of children inventor, has a pretty nice ring to it.

I did not steal the "sweet prince" line from Barstool - pure coincidence...not that anyone cares

Rest in Peace, Sweet Prince

When I say Martin Luther King what pops into your head? "I have a dream!" right? Lou Gherig? "Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the earth." George Bush Sr? "Read my lips, no new taxes!" Bill Clinton? "I didn't inhale!" I ask you this because, like it or not, everyone's legacy comes down to a few words or events that will define them for the rest of time. And today this especially rings true as the great senator and even greater American, Robert Byrd, passed away at 92. People won't remember his fiddle playing ability, 17,000 roll call votes, or "West Virginian of the 20th Century" award for which he edged out Kevin Pittsnogle. No...people won't remember any of his skills, milestones, or awards. But they will never forget Robert Byrd and the poor creatures he was so determined to protect. And with that I leave you with this video tribute...because only Byrd's fiery voice deserves to deliver his eternal message...his place in history....

Suck me "Bottle Full"

Following his second alcohol related arrest, actor Chris Klein has voluntarily checked himself into rehab.

"After recent events, Chris was forced to take a clear look at a problem he has been trying to deal with himself for years. He understands now that he can not beat this disease alone," his rep Jaime Primak tells PEOPLE in an exclusive statement. "He thanks everyone for their support as he takes all the necessary steps to deal with his addiction and asks for privacy while doing so."

The actor is seeking treatment at the Cirque Lodge in Utah where he will complete a 30 day alcohol addiction program and has plans to stay longer if need be.

Last Wednesday the American Pie actor was arrested in Los Angeles on suspicion of drunk driving when he was seen weaving on the Hollywood Freeway.

I understand that DUIs are not a big deal in Hollywood. They are basically like the belly-button piercings of the 2000s. Yeah you may be a little embarrassed when you look back on it in 20 years and maybe your parents give you that slightly disappointed look, but hell, everyone is getting them and they don't seem to have any real negative consequences for the people getting them.

But what I don't understand is why with all the money in Hollywood, celebrities don't just hire drivers? Celebs have no issue shelling out dough to people who answer their phones, cook for them, stretch them out, and do their hair and make-up among other things, yet for some reason they don't see the point of hiring someone to drive them around when they want to get bombed worse than the Arizona.

Yes I know. Most of these jokers are not the sharpest tool in the shed. But when money is no object, why not avoid a court date? You would think someone could make a pretty good living running a service that would provide certified / insured drivers that could be hired out on a full time basis or potentially even on a night by night basis. You could even go as far as having someone available to simply drive your car home for you, at the end of the night.

The only reason this may not work is that non A-list celebrities may not actually mind the DUI, in fact it at least gets your name out there. I mean when was the last time someone talked about Chris Klein before this story came out? If I had to guess, the last time I heard his name in normal conversation, I was dominating CW and Sloan in Super Smash Bros and a knee-sock wearing Britney Spears was still hot. So if this is all a "no press is bad press" ploy, I guess it would make sense. Otherwise, I might be moving out to Cali pretty soon to start "Dewey's Drivers."

Japanese Professor Serving Some 'Spicy' Tuna

Teacher wants sex with students to say sorry for Japanese invasion'

A history teacher has apparently offered to have sex with Chinese students at her college in Japan to apologise for her country's invasion of China in 1937, it is reported.

Anri Suzuki, 24, from Tokyo - is said to have a doctorate in Sino-Japanese history, but said she had specialised in studying the Japanese invasion of China and was ashamed by what her countrymen had done.

She told the Chinese media: "We have to respect the lessons of history and although we cannot obliterate it we can try and make recompense.

"I want to cure the wounds of China with my body, and I offer to do this by having sex with Chinese students in Japan."

"I think it would be a symbolic compensation for them," she added.

I think this is another power play by China to one up everyone in the world. First we saw them one up the cigarette-smoking baby, now they’re trying to horn in on the US’s pride and joy— female sex scandal teachers.

Now your average run of the mill sex scandal teacher is after the young boy likely because she can’t get any in her own age bracket aka uglier than sin. So what does China do? Find themselves a spicy oversexed teacher that wants to proverbially fall to her knees to “apologize” for Japan’s horrible behavior.

Malarkey! There are three possible scenarios where this could happen.

A. 1. China is attempting to control its population by letting every college age boy have sex with one woman.

B. 2. Japan is using a new form of biological warfare to destroy China’s male youth (better double bag it boys)

C. 3. China offered a high-class Japanese prostitute a doctorate and a job if she would make them sound cool by wanting to bone Chinese students.

Any way you slice it... It might be time to transfer and see if she wants to “bury the hatchet” over pearl harbor and Hiroshima.

Caption Contest: World Cup Edition

Venus Williams almost sneaks her way to second base while Brandy Chastain celebrates her gamewinning goal.

Lebron Finally Helps Bring Title Back to Cleveland

(Forbes)

This year Cleveland takes the top spot in Forbes third annual ranking of America's Most Miserable Cities. Cleveland secured the position thanks to its high unemployment, high taxes, lousy weather, corruption by public officials and crummy sports teams.

The city of Cleveland has had a colorful history. The Cuyahoga River, which runs through the city, famously caught fire in 1969 thanks to rampant pollution, and it wasn't the first time. In 1978 it became the first U.S. city to default on its debts since the Great Depression. Cleveland sports fans have had to endure more anguish than those in any other city. The city has been dubbed with a less than endearing nickname: the Mistake by the Lake.

You have to hand it to Lebron here, I mean people say he doesn’t know how to win a title, they say he’s not a team player—Nonsense. Lebron finally robbed the city of Cleveland of enough hope that he could procure them the title they’ve been waiting for. Look at what this man has done for the city, he’s given them something to take pride in! Oh you have no job? your house is being repossessed? Your polluted river is on fire? Well hey lets throw in a side of hometown pride for the worst sports franchises in the country to boot.

Lebron is a lot like a Korean Masseuse with no thumbs. He can get you close, but just doesn’t have what it takes to give a season a happy ending. And now to top it off, Cleveland has the whole city doing the Happy Gilmore “I wanna kiss you all over” to try and keep this guy around—Tremendous!

If I was in Cleveland I’d be moving on quickly to the newly anointed Miami-Wade County. Beautiful weather, women, and a hoop star that doesn’t leave you as depressed as a Serena Williams playboy shoot.

Big Brother Psychology

A French fishing vessel reached a remote area in the Indian Ocean on Saturday morning to fetch a stranded 16-year-old California girl who lost contact as she tried to circumnavigate the globe in her yacht.

Abby Sunderland, who is trying to be the world's youngest to sail around the world, lost satellite contact on Thursday and issued a distress call after what appeared to be a rogue wave hit the boat, damaging its communications equipment.

Her brother Zack, who circumnavigated the globe in 2009, becoming the first under 18 to make the trip, recalled his own "rough" journey through the Indian Ocean.

"No one gets out of it without hitting a bit of a rough patch," he said.

"You have to stay up for hours and hours and battle sleep deprivation and storms. ..." he said.

Wonder how many "I told you so's" Abby "S.O.S." Sunderland is going to hear from big bro? I got pissed when I almost lost to my younger brothers in Madden, so I can only imagine how pissed I would be if one of them tried to break a record I set a year earlier.

Once he found out she was alright, the Zack Attack was probably popping champagne like he was Mercury freaking Morris. Love how he even rubbed some salt in the wounds by pretending to be concerned and giving her that condescending "Nice try Sis.. not everyone is good enough to get past the Indian Ocean, don't sweat it."

This is a classic big bro move. Trust me, I have been using this kind of psychological warfare for the better part of 30 years. Nothing pisses off a younger sibling more than when you beat them in a hard fought game but then instead of being ultra competitive, you give them a compliment and act like you're happy they came so close. It gives off the feeling that you were never that worried about them beating you.. and that kills them.

I'm sure The Zack is going to be making up subtle little nicknames like Abby "Sunk"erland that he can jab her with at Thanksgiving, just to make sure everyone knows who's boss. Cannot wait for these two to end up on the Amazing Race, embarassing themselves and Big Larry when they lose in the final to the Hilton sisters.

A little off point, but I also had to point out that Zack's description of the Indian Ocean sounds like every night you spend in Vegas? I don't think I could have summed up a red-bull and vodka induced, all-night, blackout / blackjack binge better than, "No one gets out of it without hitting a bit of a rough patch," and "You have to stay up for hours and hours and battle sleep deprivation and storms"

Props to College Bill for the tip on the article

The Definition of Street Smart

Sook's: Why I Love Summer

True Blood made its triumphant return Sunday night, but I know not too many of you watch that show so I figured I'd use this opportunity to give the ladies out there some advice. The shorts you see above - the short tight fitting plaid - go buy a pair and wear them as much as possible. Spring...summer...fall...winter...they look hot in any season, any climate. Because short shorts are and always have been the sexiest thing a girl can wear. You can go with the jean, the white, the plaid, the pajama short - they all work. And if you can wear a bathing suit under them and undo the top button then that's even better.

And Anna Paquin's emergence onto the scene just confirmed what I already knew... short-shorts = money/power/respect. She started rocking them on True Blood but now she just wears them no matter what - rain or shine - all the way to the bank. I know this was a selfless act to let girls in on this secret but I figured someone had to do it. I want you girls to be all you can be, and a pair of short-shorts will no doubt maximize your potential.

WAM-BAM-THANK-YOU Elizabeth Ray

The 59-year-old woman charged with aggravated assault, simple assault and reckless endangerment for allegedly attacking Bam Margera with a baseball bat claims the 'Jackass' star used a racial slur during a disagreement.

"I'm innocent, and he's a jackass just like his movies," Elizabeth Ray tells the Philadelphia Daily News. While she says she did not strike Margera, she alleges he called her the n-word during a verbal argument outside of a West Chester, Pa., bar early Saturday morning.

"He called me the n-word," she says. "He uses racial slurs, uses the n-word with black in front of it." Ray denies that Margera was assaulted at all, saying, "I did not hit him, nobody hit him"; however, TMZ has obtained photos of the star being treated at the scene by paramedics.

Margera was taken by ambulance to Chester County Hospital, where he was briefly admitted to the intensive-care unit. Talking to TMZ, 'Jackass' co-star Steve-O said, "I think he is going to be okay."

I’m simply outraged while reading this article. They’re really going to prosecute this woman? I mean here she is doing her best “Bear Jew” impersonation to roars of applause from her entire neighborhood, and then boom, cops come to arrest her. I thought we lived in a society that smiled upon good citizenship, not punished it. For all of you who aren’t familiar with Bam Margera, you might remember him from his role as” the guy who tried to ruin jackass” or from his tv show “Viva la Bam” (Bills dvr's it every week if you are curious) where he basically pranked his own parents and they pretended like they were mad. I'd seriously rather have my kid impersonating Kenny Powers than this pile of douche (at least Kenny was funny).

In my mind Elizabeth Ray is a credit to the US of A. Not only was she taking a stand against racism, she tried to take down a threat more menacing to our children’s future than Kim Jong-Il and Mohamed Atta’s love child. Move over Chloe, Jack could use a woman on his side that might actually throw a fist or two from time to time.

I not only vote for acquitting Elizabeth “Sugar” Ray of all charges, I’ll take that one step further and say this woman should be given an award, or medal, or at least her own reality tv show. At the ABSOLUTE worst she can go play for the Mariners… She would be one of the few on that team that can actually swing a bat, and I’m certain her and my man Milton Bradley would be fast friends. Oh and thank god Steve-O was there to reassure all of us, I do not know what we would have done without his calming words and presence.

Chef from South Park Implicated in Blackmail Scam

JUNE 7--While on a business trip last month to Washington, D.C., a married Michigan man was awoken one morning when an unidentified caller dialed his hotel room. The caller announced that he was in possession of photos showing the businessman "participating in homosexual acts from the evening before," and demanded $25,000 in hush money, or the images would be forwarded to the man's wife and business associates.

Upon flying back to Detroit and conferring with his spouse, the man contacted the FBI about the shakedown plot. While claiming not to recall any "homosexual liaison" in his hotel room, the man told investigators that he "felt woozy and unclear" the morning after the purported encounter. He also reported that his $20,000 Rolex was missing, along with a credit card and $200 in cash.

At the FBI's direction, the Michigan man recorded a series of telephone calls with the extortionist, who e-mailed photos taken in the hotel room. According to the below FBI affidavit, the images showed the businessman (who is referred to as "Victim 1") in "compromising positions with a man." One image, an agent noted, showed "a black male's hand holding Victim 1's driver's license," while in another photo, "Victim 1 is leaning over a sink and the black male's hand is placed on his back."

In short order, FBI agents traced the phone number from which the photos were sent to Shawn Lightfoot, a 46-year-old Virginia man. Lightfoot, a married father of four, is a veteran chef who has worked at several Washington restaurants and now runs a D.C. catering firm (an online bio notes that he has attended a Culinary Institute of America boot camp).

I don't know who put more effort in, Lamar Odom in the first 4 games of the NBA Finals or this guy, whose "I felt a little woozy" defense is fooling about as many people as a Ron Artest head fake. You say you don't remember any homosexual liaison? As Ben Afleck would say, You're suspect. I don't think we need any of the dudes from CSI to figure out that Victim 1, enjoyed his night in our nation's capitol. He was most likely taking it from behind like Kim Kardashian while the chef from South Park sang Chocolate Salty Balls in his ear. The only way I might believe this guy is if Kobe was in D.C. that night. Boom! Roasted!

What a Win

It started with this 10 year old girl in the pregame telling these dorks to screw....

....Baby picked up where she left off showing passion that we haven't seen since '08 KG...

...and the "Shrek and Donkey," as Nate put it, took us home

Love these guys

The Liplicking Phenomenon

Over the years we've seen a lot of showmanship in the NBA after a big play. You had Jordan's smirk/shrug,

the Reggie Miller choke,

the Quentin Richardson/Darius Miles head pound,

my personal favorite the Ray Ray snarl,

....and Kobe has done all of these things (not always at the right time) because he's an unoriginal bastard....

But this new licking the lips thing is getting a little weird. I know Jordan (and now Kobe) used to do it but Jordan can do whatever he wants and I'll never question him. Plus it wasn't sexual or weird in nature - it was more of a "I can't wait to eat you all alive" move. Big Baby and Gasol are taking it to a whole 'nother level.

----Continue on blogs below and you'll see what I'm talking about---

Big Baby: Disturbing/Intimidating...I think

Baby kind of reminds me of Mabel from Men on a Mission here when he joined up with the bad guys and became Viscera. I stopped watching wrestling once Mabel ditched Mo. I felt like a Cleveland fan that got ditched by Lebron. But I digress.

Gasol Licking Lips: Creepy

I don't think there is anything in the universe I'd want to lick less then Gasol's face pubes. I'd cry too if I had to do that.

Chinese toddler sees Indonesians Cigarette Addiction; Raises him Booze

Reuters - Chinese toddler Ya Wen started downing pints and smoking up to a pack a day after being struck by a speeding van and spending five days in a coma, her parents told the Yangcheng Evening Post. "She likes drinking," her mother, Gao Wen, said. "Three glasses of beer is no problem to her." Gao Wen said her daughter's personality changed dramatically and she started acting like an adult shortly after leaving the hospital. First, she was busted hiding in the toilet smoking her dad's cigs. Then she began stealing them from a store - until the owner let her have them on credit. "The first time I found her smoking was in the toilet," her mother said. "Before that, I often saw cigarette butts in the toilet but thought they were my husband's, until I saw my daughter smoking there." The store owner said he assumed the child was buying the butts for Dear Old Dad, adding that the child would take up to two packs away at a time.

If this doesn't convince you that China is determined to become THE international superpower then I don't know what will. They just refuse to be outdone. You produce ten nuclear weapons? They'll make a hundred. You go to Mars? They aim for Jupiter. You put Shawn Johnson on the balance beem? They get a 45 lb 10 year old up there that makes her look more like Shawn Kemp.

And now we have the latest evidence. Someone in China apparently was checking out STS and found out that Indonesia is grooming a 2 year old Winston Churchill. Clearly this was unnacceptable. So what does China do? Bitch slaps the world with a three year old girl who rips butts and crushes beers. Our only hope is that this girl is like the little leaguer who develops too quickly. You know the kid that was like 5'8", had a budding stach, and some arm pit hair to boot. Dwarfed everyone and would mash homers at will. Chicks were all over him buying him air heads and shit at the snack stand. I always envied that kid. But then people started catching up and that kid never got any better. Well I think that's the world's only hope when it comes to Ya Wen. We just got to pray that she isn't able to continue her rapid development. Because make no mistake about it, a girl that is able to go into a store and buy cigarettes and booze at the age of three projects out a little higher then that kid crapping his pants during a re-run of Spongebob.

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

LOS ANGELES – More than "The Hills" may be ending for two of its stars — Heidi Montag has filed for separation from Spencer Pratt. She cited irreconcilable differences in a court document submitted Tuesday in Santa Monica, Calif.

Montag and Pratt are stars of the MTV series "The Hills" and have been married since last April. The series is in its final season. Montag's two-page handwritten filing does not offer any more details on the couple's breakup. An e-mail sent to an MTV spokeswoman seeking comment was not immediately returned. The filing also doesn't indicate whether Montag intends to file for divorce, which would formally end their marriage.

Did I do something to anger God? First Ray Ray and the Celtics shoot 4-18 from 3 and then this!?! What went wrong? The hemp necklaces? The tie-dye shirts? The crystals?

Yep....it was the crystals....

Pratt has admitted to spending half a million dollars on energy crystals this year. “I am so addicted to crystals, it's like a sickness," he was quoted as saying. “I've spent $500,000 on crystals this year. I checked my bank account last night, and I have $203 left. There's a whole science to this. I'm not crazy.”

I Can Feel It Coming in the Air Tonight

Woman Stops a Runaway Bus

Hero? Really Lori? This wasn't exactly "Sandra Bullock in Speed this bus is going to blow up unless I keep it going over 60 mph" type of heroism.... This was more of a "I put my foot on the break and stopped a slowly moving bus like any normal person would" type of heroism. Don't act like you just saved a bus full of kids because I'm pretty sure they could've survived the 5 mph collision. So while I'm impressed that you had the wherewithall to see the break and strength to press it, I think you should go easy on referring to yourself as "superwoman" for a while. And Keanu Reeves would never hook up with you either.

By the way the ugly dog looks just like Sid from Ice Age

World's Ugliest Dog Dies at 17

WASHINGTON (AFP) – Canine lovers were in mourning Thursday at the news that a bug-eyed Chinese crested hairless pooch, who was officially crowned the "World's Ugliest Dog," has died at age 17.

The lovable Miss Ellie, whose lopsided tongue always stuck out of the side of her mouth, died on Tuesday in her Tennessee home, the local Mountain Press daily newspaper said.

Despite being blind in her final years, she won Animal Planet's "World's Ugliest Dog" award last year. She also starred in Animal Planet's "Dog 101" and was featured in numerous commercials and television programs. Miss Ellie had been set to travel to California this month to defend her title. She was part of a troupe of dogs that Goehring trained and which performed regularly at the Comedy Barn in Pigeon Forge. Goehring said she is now planning on raising money to open a new animal shelter. "I am going to make that my driven goal to do in her honor," she told the Mountain Press.

I think it's nice that being blind doesn't preclude you from being crowned the ugliest dog in the world by Animal Planet. Having said that this ugly dog is cute as hell. Strange that for animals and child actors, the uglier the better.

Lost in Translation

One of Sunni Islam's most prestigious institutions is to discipline a cleric after he issued a decree allowing women to breastfeed their male colleagues.

Dr Izzat Atiya of Egypt's al-Azhar University said it offered a way around segregation of the sexes at work.

His fatwa stated the act would make the man symbolically related to the woman and preclude any sexual relations. According to Islamic tradition, or Hadith, breast-feeding establishes a degree of maternal relation, even if a woman nurses a child who is not biologically hers.

In his fatwa, Dr Atiya, the head of al-Azhar's Department of Hadith, said such teachings could equally apply to adults. He said that if a woman fed a male colleague "directly from her breast" at least five times they would establish a family bond and thus be allowed to be alone together at work.

"Breast feeding an adult puts an end to the problem of the private meeting, and does not ban marriage," he ruled. "A woman at work can take off the veil or reveal her hair in front of someone whom she breastfed."

The legal ruling sparked outrage throughout Egypt and the Arab world.
On Sunday, Dr Atiya retracted it, saying it had been the result of a "bad interpretation of a particular case" during the time of the Prophet Muhammad.


You have got to admire the good Doctor here. I have never seen a clearer case of guy caught with secretary's breast in mouth, tries to quickly think of excuse, says the first thing that comes to mind, which looking back is horrifically dumb, is then forced to stick with dumb excuse and try to back it up since he can't admit that he is a sucker for the cougar secretary and the revealing eye slit in her veil.

You would think that having talked himself into a corner, Dr. Atiya would have no where to go and would have to admit he lied and pay the consequences. However, My Dad always used to tell me that a desperate man backed into a corner is a dangerous man. And Izzy Atiya is no exception to this rule. Instead of admitting he was wrong, Izzy came out firing like Pacman Jones at a Vegas strip club.

What's that, you think its weird to promote equality in the workplace by having a grown man drink from a woman's breasts? Oh yeah, well you just bought yourself 5 times the equality. Me and my buddies at the office are going to be well hydrated, we are going to have our complete daily intake of calcium and Vitamin D, and we are going to be rolling in equality... how do you like me now.

When he was finally forced to face the facts and stop all the fun, Atiya still didn't admit any wrongdoing. Instead he just claimed he may have got his scripture passages confused.

Oh sorry, I guess I translated Mohammed's letter wrong, it was supposed to say Mohammed brought equality to his people by respecting woman and refusing to make them cover their entire bodies in loose clothing that makes them look like they are wading through a sea of fabric.

I messed up and read that as Mohammed brought equality to his people by forcing all loose beautiful women (No Fatties please) to uncover their bodies and act like they are at one of Dwayne Wade's sex parties. Sorry, My bad.

Cannot wait to see the next translation when the good doctor's wife catches him in the middle of an Eiffel Tower

Thanks to Beef Chou Lain for the tip on the article.

Nude Cleaning Service? Yes Please!

I admit I don't remember much from college. Between scrabble, monopoly, and empire earth, I usually had too much on my plate to bother listening to lectures. But one thing that resonated with me was that it is a waste of time to reinvent the wheel. To be successful, you have to either think of something new like a teleporter or make something that exists better like putting chocolate on a strawberry. Simple concept - difficult application. Which is why I'm so impressed with Kia Carrol here. She had two areas of expertise. The adult entertainment industry:

• High demand + revenue
• Expensive overhead
• Primarily male customer base blows money on it all the time but takes harassment from significant others who think it's a waste of money
• Stigma of trashiness attached to it

and the cleaning service industry:

• Low demand + requires competitive pricing model
• Men could do without the service - women love the help around the house.
• Not a glamorous or highly profitable business but certainly a well-respected profession
• Employees rarely wear bras anyway (as seen in Curb)

and she was able to merge them to create a stripper-cleaning lady powerhouse that satisfies all parties. Men are happy to reallocate their stripper funds to the cleaning lady with good upper body strength. The wives and girlfriends are happy that their countertops and toilet bowls are always glistening. The stripper-cleaning ladies have a job they can justify to their families. Kia can charge a premium for being awesome. And the little boys who fake sick on cleaning day get the strip club experience while in the safety of their own homes. Win-win-win-win-win situation if you ask me. Like killing five birds with one stripper. When can I invest?

sidebar: couldn't help but think of that Curb episode when Cheryl makes Larry give the cleaning lady a bra because she never wears one. Great episode because its a known fact that cleaning ladies never wear bras.

Paying for Charges

The Los Angeles Lakers have never been known as a team that takes offensive charges. They are trying to change that. Last series, Phil Jackson called his big men "thin-chested" as a way of goading them into standing strong and taking a hit, and the team has been offering financial incentive -- $50 per charge.

"To motivate us in a way to take charges and getting away with it," explained Sasha Vujacic.

Assistant coach Frank Hamblin, who monitors the fines and payouts, said the team has been rewarding players for charges since late last season and the competition has intensified in the playoffs, although he admitted that "very few guys are getting charge money."

"Luke got one the other night; it was kind of shaky but we gave it to him anyway," Hamblen said. "Fish is our best charge-taker so far."

The charge-taking competition, however, has yet to involve Ron Artest, who said he learned from growing up on the New York playgrounds, that when you take a charge, fall and then call an offensive foul, well, bad things -- like serious bodily harm -- can happen.

"I don't even know how to take a charge," he said. "To get the charge you have to fall. I'd rather not fall. You call an offensive foul, possibly be a fight. That's just how we grew up playing basketball."

I think this article sums it up pretty well. The Lakers have to try and pay their guys extra to take charges. I think the Celtics are a better team at almost every position, but throw that out and ask yourself which team would you rather bet your life on, the team that is playing for each other and takes pride in being a cohesive defensive unit or the team that has to pay their players extra to take charges? Just saying... C's in 6.

The other bone I have to pick with the Lakers, is who thought of this $50 for a charge horseshit? Even the worst of these guys (Yeah Scal we are looking at you) make tens of thousands of dollars each game and many of them are making hundreds of thousands of dollars a game, and that does not even count endorsements. Did James Naesmith come up with this fine back in 1892? The Lake show might want to think about adjusting it if they want it to have any impact... otherwise it doesn't even hold a candle to Lamar's daily candy budget. I mean it would be like offering me a penny to take out the trash... yeah it's something I should probably do anyway, but that penny ain't making me any more likely to do it. Good riddance, not sure I can find even one redeeming quality about this franchise, besides the fact that they make a great villian for the Celts to crush.

Summer Catch?

Solid effort by this guy. Instead of trying to catch Adrian Beltre's blast this guy decided to turn his head and duck. I'll give you that Beltre put some Greg Oden sized wood on this thing, but this guy's reaction is just disgraceful. The ball had already traveled a couple hundred feet and had to have slowed down more than a Trevor Hoffman fastball. Come on, the guy could have at least tried to get a hand on it.

This guy reacted like that kid on your little league team who always got put in right field or at second base. You know the kid, he was the one who cringed whenever a ball came his way like a father that just found out his 14 year old was dating the captain of the football team. In fact, what are the chances this guy was that kid on someone's little league team. I think I would wager my left ear Van Gogh style this guy was a 2 and 1 special his entire little league career. I'm actually surprised he didn't bring his glove with him to the game to complement the jersey. There is basically no excuse for any self-respecting guy to be wearing a jersey after age 18. Hat fine. T-shirt, no problem. But please stop trying to squeeze into your vintage Varitek jersey, it does not make you a better fan or lessen the fact that you couldn't catch a flyball if your life depended on it.

Caption Contest

I always though it was Big Al's boring personality that sucked the life out of his wife...

Why I hate the Lakers - Inspired by Ted Green (see link to his article)

#10. Late arrivals

#9. Sunglasses Indoors... Hey Jack we know your cool bro - you can take them off.




#8. Magic Johnson's analysis... Great player - horrible analyst. He called Rajon Rondo the best overall point guard in the NBA last week but then said that Deron Williams is a better all around player...in the same sentence.


#7. Phil Jackson's special high chair... Time to retire, Phil.






#6. Farmar's complaint that too many girls wanted him at UCLA.


#5. Sasha Vujacic...cried in 5 of the 6 Final's games last time around

#4. Gasol's mouth that never closes



#3. Kobe Doin' Work...I liked Space Jam better.


#2. Phil Jackson's bald spot - He's nearing Jean Keady territory with that comb-over.



#1. But if you want to be infuriated and really understand why LA sucks - the people, the city, everything - just read this gem: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/sports_blog/2010/05/ted-green-your-guide-to-hating-the-celtics.html

It was Nate; it was great

I hope This guy refs the celts game tonight

Keri Strugg-ling

Guess who's Bizack

Don't be fooled by the smile

You just knocked the bully out...

MAY 26--An argument over a toy airplane led Monday to an eight-year-old Ohio boy being cited for assaulting a six-year-old neighbor, according to cops. Witnesses described the child as a bully who frequently picked on younger kids, according to the below Lorain Police Department report. When cops spoke with the older boy's father, Bryan Ball, he downplayed the incident, saying that kids were "always playing and fighting." He added that it was "gay" that police had gotten involved in a dispute among juveniles. For his part, the boy denied putting the younger child in a chokehold, claiming that he only punched the boy after he was hit first. The boy was cited for assault, and the matter was referred to Juvenile Court.

Wow, is the state of Ohio serious? Not saying I agree with Mr. Ball's terminology, but I have to support his sentiment. The fact that the cops are arresting 8-year olds for assault is a tad bit ludicrous. The police report (see here) even states that the "victim" and I use that term more loosely than a Vegas call girl, showed no signs of injury. Don't the cops and the parents have anything better to do, oh wait I forgot.. it's Ohio.

This younger kid sounds like he fakes more injuries than Vince Carter, but I can't lay the blame at his feet. He has obviously been taught by his parents that crying about what happened to you is more effective than doing something to stop it in the first place.

So there is a bully who wants to play with your kid's airplane, instead of calling the cops every time their kid gets thrown in a sleeper hold, these parents might want to show a little faith in your kid's ability to ake care of himself. You think if KG's parents had called the cops everytime some kid stole his lunch money he would have ended up being the star he is today? No chance.

KG, said it perfectly after taking home the 2008 NBA championship,

"It's like that bully that you go to school everyday, and you know when you get out your mom's or dad's car-- you know you gotta see him soon as you walk through the front doors. You know he's sittin there with his feet up, waiting on you to pat your pockets, mess with you. And then it's like one day you say to yourself, 'You know what? This gon' stop today,' and you walk through and soon as he pats your pocket you lay his ass out, and you saw that expression on his face, and you're sorta kinda shook cause, you know what, you just knocked the bully out. And you don't know how he gon' come back. So the next morning when you come in and he not there, it's like...a sigh of relief....I knocked his ass clean out. That's what it feels like." - Kevin Garnett on winning the 2008 NBA Finals

Maybe it's just me, but I will take that kind of fire over a kid destined to get stuffed in lockers his whole life every day and twice on Sundy