Lost in Translation

One of Sunni Islam's most prestigious institutions is to discipline a cleric after he issued a decree allowing women to breastfeed their male colleagues.

Dr Izzat Atiya of Egypt's al-Azhar University said it offered a way around segregation of the sexes at work.

His fatwa stated the act would make the man symbolically related to the woman and preclude any sexual relations. According to Islamic tradition, or Hadith, breast-feeding establishes a degree of maternal relation, even if a woman nurses a child who is not biologically hers.

In his fatwa, Dr Atiya, the head of al-Azhar's Department of Hadith, said such teachings could equally apply to adults. He said that if a woman fed a male colleague "directly from her breast" at least five times they would establish a family bond and thus be allowed to be alone together at work.

"Breast feeding an adult puts an end to the problem of the private meeting, and does not ban marriage," he ruled. "A woman at work can take off the veil or reveal her hair in front of someone whom she breastfed."

The legal ruling sparked outrage throughout Egypt and the Arab world.
On Sunday, Dr Atiya retracted it, saying it had been the result of a "bad interpretation of a particular case" during the time of the Prophet Muhammad.


You have got to admire the good Doctor here. I have never seen a clearer case of guy caught with secretary's breast in mouth, tries to quickly think of excuse, says the first thing that comes to mind, which looking back is horrifically dumb, is then forced to stick with dumb excuse and try to back it up since he can't admit that he is a sucker for the cougar secretary and the revealing eye slit in her veil.

You would think that having talked himself into a corner, Dr. Atiya would have no where to go and would have to admit he lied and pay the consequences. However, My Dad always used to tell me that a desperate man backed into a corner is a dangerous man. And Izzy Atiya is no exception to this rule. Instead of admitting he was wrong, Izzy came out firing like Pacman Jones at a Vegas strip club.

What's that, you think its weird to promote equality in the workplace by having a grown man drink from a woman's breasts? Oh yeah, well you just bought yourself 5 times the equality. Me and my buddies at the office are going to be well hydrated, we are going to have our complete daily intake of calcium and Vitamin D, and we are going to be rolling in equality... how do you like me now.

When he was finally forced to face the facts and stop all the fun, Atiya still didn't admit any wrongdoing. Instead he just claimed he may have got his scripture passages confused.

Oh sorry, I guess I translated Mohammed's letter wrong, it was supposed to say Mohammed brought equality to his people by respecting woman and refusing to make them cover their entire bodies in loose clothing that makes them look like they are wading through a sea of fabric.

I messed up and read that as Mohammed brought equality to his people by forcing all loose beautiful women (No Fatties please) to uncover their bodies and act like they are at one of Dwayne Wade's sex parties. Sorry, My bad.

Cannot wait to see the next translation when the good doctor's wife catches him in the middle of an Eiffel Tower

Thanks to Beef Chou Lain for the tip on the article.