Give me your cold, your hungry, your tired, your sick

A wise man, who goes by the name of Landfill, once told me that all girlfriends are always one of four things. They are either cold, hungry, tired, or sick. Now one could brush this off as Landfill being a chauvinist pig, and he no doubt is, but I think his statement has some truth to it. Even some of the best, most easy-going girls in the world (yeah that's you Simple Jane) seem to fall victim to at least one of these 4 conditions for the majority of each day.

My take is that society is just far more tolerant of girls complaining. Can you imagine the look on one of your buddies faces if in the course of a baseball game you leaned over in the first inning and told him “I’m cold,” then in the top of the 3rd, “I’m hungry,” then in the bottom of the 8th inning with the score tied and the bases loaded, “I’m not feeling well.” He would look at you with a mixture of confusion and disgust reminiscent of one of those looks that Jack gives Locke every time he sees him in the final episode. You would become a pariah shunned by every self-respecting man on the planet.

And yet, this type of behavior from girls is accepted without a second thought. I mean the amount of times I have heard the girls we hang around with say I’m hungry, you’d think they were more starved than Nicole Richie. And god forbid the temperature drops below 70.2 degrees. With girls these days you might as well throw them out into an arctic snowstorm wearing less than a Maxim centerfold. Oh yeah and don’t get me started on the I’m tired or I’m not feeling well bits. Why do they always seem to coincide perfectly with a guy finally hitting his stride in a beirut game or catching fire on a blackjack table. Do girls have a sensor that goes off? Some kind of alarm that blares, “Your boyfriend is starting to have too much fun… We-ooo… We-ooo… We-ooo, Take action immediately, You’re boyfriend is starting to have too much fun.”

If only we could re-program this alarm so that it went off instead when you were trapped in an awkward conversation with that friend of a friend who wants to know what you do for work or when you’re about to have that late night shot of tequila that promises to ruin your entire Sunday? Outside of joining the priesthood, is there anything we can do about this? Do any of our female readers have any thoughts on the matter?