Get in my Me-Me-Me... Melly

MAY 17--Angered that drive-thru workers at a Wendy's botched her order, a Florida woman stormed the Daytona Beach restaurant this morning and tried to tase an employee with a stun gun. Melanese Reid, 20, reportedly became enraged after fast food workers failed to provide her with the requisite number of mustard and mayonnaise packets. After Reid and Katrina Bryant, 23, argued with drive-thru employee Jason Hill (and called him "bitch" and "faggot") Hill "told them that they were childish and to leave," according to a charging affidavit prepared by cops. Reid then attempted to slap Hill, but the worker was able to deflect her hand. At that point, witnesses told cops, Reid and Bryant exited their red PT Cruiser and entered the Wendy's. While inside, Reid, armed with a pink Cheetah brand stun gun, chased Hill "around the kitchen/employee area of the restaurant with the Taser turned on and making the 'electric' noises."

If gambling were legal, and I were to set the over / under on Melanese Reid's weight at 220 pounds, what type of odds would I have to give you to bet the under? 100 - 1? 1,000 - 1? I would bet all the money in my bank account and both my legs* that there is no way this lady is clocking in at anything less than a deuce and a half.

I mean how many clues do you need. Most people are looking for extra ketchups at a burger joint like Wendy's, but not Lil Melly. Nope "Tons of Fun" was not satisfied by her Triple Cheeseburger, 50 piece nugget, and large chocolate Frosty, she decided that she needed to douse it all with so much mayo that even Ruben Studdard would have been blushing.

If that wasn't enough, "Get in my Melly"nese is driving around a PT Cruiser and carrying a Taser. I don't know how you spell predator, but I'm guessing it goes a little like M-E-L-A-N-E-S-E. I can just see her sneaking out of the club now with a poor guy like the V-Man slung over her shoulder and drool spilling out of her mouth like a hungry Wildabeast. No doubt her wheelman Katrina would have the PT Cruise ready to go by the back door and next thing you know Vin is waking up trapped between more fat than the cheese in a KFC Double Down.

All I can say is Jason Hill should be thanking his lucky stars that he watched the Discovery channel when he was younger and learned how to run in circles to confuse and elude a larger but slower predator. If not, things could have ended badly.

* Random sidenote, you may want to discount the value of my bet since I'm kinda thinking it may be a decent idea to cut off my legs when I hit 40 anyway and get some of those sweet new curved medal legs that you can run and jump on. I can see myself now at age 50 winning marathons and dunking on CW in one-on-one games... god bless technology