Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
You just knocked the bully out...
MAY 26--An argument over a toy airplane led Monday to an eight-year-old Ohio boy being cited for assaulting a six-year-old neighbor, according to cops. Witnesses described the child as a bully who frequently picked on younger kids, according to the below Lorain Police Department report. When cops spoke with the older boy's father, Bryan Ball, he downplayed the incident, saying that kids were "always playing and fighting." He added that it was "gay" that police had gotten involved in a dispute among juveniles. For his part, the boy denied putting the younger child in a chokehold, claiming that he only punched the boy after he was hit first. The boy was cited for assault, and the matter was referred to Juvenile Court.
Wow, is the state of Ohio serious? Not saying I agree with Mr. Ball's terminology, but I have to support his sentiment. The fact that the cops are arresting 8-year olds for assault is a tad bit ludicrous. The police report (see here) even states that the "victim" and I use that term more loosely than a Vegas call girl, showed no signs of injury. Don't the cops and the parents have anything better to do, oh wait I forgot.. it's Ohio.
This younger kid sounds like he fakes more injuries than Vince Carter, but I can't lay the blame at his feet. He has obviously been taught by his parents that crying about what happened to you is more effective than doing something to stop it in the first place.
So there is a bully who wants to play with your kid's airplane, instead of calling the cops every time their kid gets thrown in a sleeper hold, these parents might want to show a little faith in your kid's ability to ake care of himself. You think if KG's parents had called the cops everytime some kid stole his lunch money he would have ended up being the star he is today? No chance.
KG, said it perfectly after taking home the 2008 NBA championship,
"It's like that bully that you go to school everyday, and you know when you get out your mom's or dad's car-- you know you gotta see him soon as you walk through the front doors. You know he's sittin there with his feet up, waiting on you to pat your pockets, mess with you. And then it's like one day you say to yourself, 'You know what? This gon' stop today,' and you walk through and soon as he pats your pocket you lay his ass out, and you saw that expression on his face, and you're sorta kinda shook cause, you know what, you just knocked the bully out. And you don't know how he gon' come back. So the next morning when you come in and he not there, it's like...a sigh of relief....I knocked his ass clean out. That's what it feels like." - Kevin Garnett on winning the 2008 NBA Finals
Maybe it's just me, but I will take that kind of fire over a kid destined to get stuffed in lockers his whole life every day and twice on Sundy
Wow, is the state of Ohio serious? Not saying I agree with Mr. Ball's terminology, but I have to support his sentiment. The fact that the cops are arresting 8-year olds for assault is a tad bit ludicrous. The police report (see here) even states that the "victim" and I use that term more loosely than a Vegas call girl, showed no signs of injury. Don't the cops and the parents have anything better to do, oh wait I forgot.. it's Ohio.
This younger kid sounds like he fakes more injuries than Vince Carter, but I can't lay the blame at his feet. He has obviously been taught by his parents that crying about what happened to you is more effective than doing something to stop it in the first place.
So there is a bully who wants to play with your kid's airplane, instead of calling the cops every time their kid gets thrown in a sleeper hold, these parents might want to show a little faith in your kid's ability to ake care of himself. You think if KG's parents had called the cops everytime some kid stole his lunch money he would have ended up being the star he is today? No chance.
KG, said it perfectly after taking home the 2008 NBA championship,
"It's like that bully that you go to school everyday, and you know when you get out your mom's or dad's car-- you know you gotta see him soon as you walk through the front doors. You know he's sittin there with his feet up, waiting on you to pat your pockets, mess with you. And then it's like one day you say to yourself, 'You know what? This gon' stop today,' and you walk through and soon as he pats your pocket you lay his ass out, and you saw that expression on his face, and you're sorta kinda shook cause, you know what, you just knocked the bully out. And you don't know how he gon' come back. So the next morning when you come in and he not there, it's like...a sigh of relief....I knocked his ass clean out. That's what it feels like." - Kevin Garnett on winning the 2008 NBA Finals
Maybe it's just me, but I will take that kind of fire over a kid destined to get stuffed in lockers his whole life every day and twice on Sundy
Joey Crawford Still Doing his Thing
After the Perk ejection fiasco last night I went to youtube and typed in Joey Crawford. Not surprisingly, about 10,000 clips of inexplicable calls popped up. According to everyone - fans, journalists, players, and NBA experts - he is the most biased and blatantly corrupt official out there. He's worse than Donaghy, Old Man Pavetta and Bennet Salvatore combined. And yet he still gets the nod from David Stern for many of the most important games of the year. How is this possible? This is the guy who called two technicals on Tim Duncan FOR LAUGHING ON THE BENCH, challenged him to a fight, and threw him out of the game. In another clip, he personally fouled Damon Jones and called it on Chauncey. But let's not focus on the past. The refs are judged year to year (so we're told). He hasn't made any absurd calls in the playoffs this year has he? None except one of the outrageous calls in NBA history:
Having Crawford reffing playoff games is negligence - plain and simple. The equivalent would be Obama letting Bernie Madoff manage the bailout money or Roger Goodell having Lawrence Taylor head NFL disciplinary committee. The fact that David Stern continues to not only employ this guy, but put him in charge during the biggest games of the year tells me Crawford has some dirt on Sterny Boy. Is there any other explanation?
If the NBA doesn't overturn the technicals on Perk then...then....nevermind... Stern has all the power. What are we going to do? Write a letter? Stop watching? Such a joke.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Venus or Uranus?
PARIS (Reuters) – Before sticking to the strict all-white dress code at Wimbledon next month, Venus Williams is indulging in some risque French cancan in Paris.
The American's black lace corset resembling an offcast from the nearby Moulin Rouge cabaret has been the talk of the French Open, and the accompanying tight skin-colored knickers have raised just as many dumbstruck glares.
The American's black lace corset resembling an offcast from the nearby Moulin Rouge cabaret has been the talk of the French Open, and the accompanying tight skin-colored knickers have raised just as many dumbstruck glares.
"The design has nothing to do with the rear. It just so happens that I have a very well developed one," she chuckled during her post-match press conference.
"It's really about the illusion. Like you can wear lace, but what's the point of wearing lace when there's just black under," she added. "The illusion of just having bare skin is definitely for me a lot more beautiful. So it's really not about anything else other than just that skin showing."
Dumbstruck is an understatement. I had the misfortune of stumbling upon this picture and then had the even greater misfortune of having to look at the picture three times before I finally figured out that Venus wasn't actually going commando here. Cruel trick though - and not because she isn't naked because trust me I'm thankful for that - but because I always thought that the country club tennis etiquette didn't allow this type of outfit. For years men everywhere prayed that Anna Kournikova would wear this exact thing onto the court and for years those prayers went unanswered. We never saw 'black lace corsette' or the 'skin colored knickers' - never even a slight illusion of nakedness. Instead Anna treated us with half-hearted grunts and a few appearances in Enrique Iglesias videos. And for that her star dimmed. As the great Charles Barkley once said of Larry Bird's insistence on shooting, "If you have a mercedes, you have to drive it." Well Anna's body was a friggin Bentley and she never once took it out of the garage. Bigger disappointment then Kwame, Olowakandi, and Morrison combined in my mind.
p.s. I really hope Lavar...I mean Serena... doesn't try outdo her sister on this outfit.
Conspicuously Inconspicuous
You would think that with all his dough, Zuckerberg would figure out a way to wear a less obtrusive microphone during his interviews. I'm not sure if this little device is supposed to be inconspicuous, but if he was going for the telemarketer look... he nailed it. Either that or he has a serious whitehead threatening to take over his cheek.
Seriously bro, I think you can take off the X-box headset and pause your World of Warcraft game while you walk Morley Safer through your new privacy settings. Just saying.
The Indonesian Letarian Milton?
This is the two-year-old Indonesian boy who throws a tantrum when his parents refuse him a cigarette. Ardi Rizal was given his first cigarette by his father when he was just 18-months-old. The smoking toddler was witnessed by a reporter who recently visited his home in the fishing village of Musi Banyuasin, in Indonesia's South Sumatra province. 'He cries and throws tantrums when we don't let him smoke. He's addicted.' 'I'm not worried about his health, he looks healthy,' shrugged the boy's father Mohammad Rizal.
Guess who just figured out how to add a video? I'm feeling like a regular Bill Gates over here. And what better way to celebrate then to post this badass. Letarian Milton better step it up because this little guy just replaced him as my favorite kid on the planet. Smokes with cigarettes? Check. Can blow smoke rings? Check. Funny faces? Check. Loves the cameras? Check. With the amount of respect this kid must command on the playground there is no doubt he will be running Indonesia by the time he hits puberty.
This kid might beat the Prince in cigarette smoking contest - never seen someone take drags so rapidly in my life.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Dentist Beat the Crap out of me Today
Survived the dentist today...barely. Had this lady filing my teeth down and digging into my gums so hard that I can't even chew (and this was just a cleaning bear in mind). While I'm sitting there she tells me to raise my hand if it starts to hurt. Apparently my dentist (any dentist) has never been to a dentist herself because its not like the crap she does brings about a gradual pain. Sometimes when she digs in there it just goes from a zero (no pain) to a 10 (rather have my eye balls gouged out) in a fraction of a second. There's really no way to anticipate it. But I get the feeling a lot of dentists know exactly what they're doing and just are out to teach you a lesson or something. Its like there teeth rights activists - "treat your teeth as you would like to be treated" blah blah blah. Its bullshit so I've thought of a way to equal the playing field a little bit. Taser button. Dentist offices provide a little button that patients can push to shock their dentists when (notice I don't say if here) they cause to much pain (or if they are being assholes). This way its an eye for an eye. Want to drill my teeth without novocaine? Bam! Shock to the nipples. Think I should floss more frequently? Bam! Shock to the nipples. Don't think dipping is a good idea? BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! I'd be scheduling dentist appointments like you read about. As it stands now though, I'd rather get Van Gundy-ized (see illustation above) then spend another second in that torture chamber. Good grief.
Lesbian Chic
I have got to hand it to Zac Efron and Justin Bieber, these kids are pure innovators. My guess is these guys saw the kind of tail that Ellen was pulling (click for a look at Ellen's latest flame, Portia de Rossi) and decided they were not just going to sit by and let the lesbians have all the fun. It took some guts, but instead of going for the boy's regular or even a Seacrest style front spike, these guys asked their stylist to make them look like 50-year old lesbians... and look where it has taken them. To say these kids are getting more tail than a boy band would be like saying Lindsay Lohan has a little bit of a wild side. They are tearing up clubs like an angry John Daly and probably had to invest in WWE-sized tag-team champion belts to keep track of all the notches they are racking up. I mean my little cousins, two of the biggest sports fanatics you will ever meet, even want to get their haircut like this now. Seriously hoping that Simple Jane doesn't start hinting that I would look pretty good with a little more lettuce in front.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Give me your cold, your hungry, your tired, your sick
A wise man, who goes by the name of Landfill, once told me that all girlfriends are always one of four things. They are either cold, hungry, tired, or sick. Now one could brush this off as Landfill being a chauvinist pig, and he no doubt is, but I think his statement has some truth to it. Even some of the best, most easy-going girls in the world (yeah that's you Simple Jane) seem to fall victim to at least one of these 4 conditions for the majority of each day.
My take is that society is just far more tolerant of girls complaining. Can you imagine the look on one of your buddies faces if in the course of a baseball game you leaned over in the first inning and told him “I’m cold,” then in the top of the 3rd, “I’m hungry,” then in the bottom of the 8th inning with the score tied and the bases loaded, “I’m not feeling well.” He would look at you with a mixture of confusion and disgust reminiscent of one of those looks that Jack gives Locke every time he sees him in the final episode. You would become a pariah shunned by every self-respecting man on the planet.
And yet, this type of behavior from girls is accepted without a second thought. I mean the amount of times I have heard the girls we hang around with say I’m hungry, you’d think they were more starved than Nicole Richie. And god forbid the temperature drops below 70.2 degrees. With girls these days you might as well throw them out into an arctic snowstorm wearing less than a Maxim centerfold. Oh yeah and don’t get me started on the I’m tired or I’m not feeling well bits. Why do they always seem to coincide perfectly with a guy finally hitting his stride in a beirut game or catching fire on a blackjack table. Do girls have a sensor that goes off? Some kind of alarm that blares, “Your boyfriend is starting to have too much fun… We-ooo… We-ooo… We-ooo, Take action immediately, You’re boyfriend is starting to have too much fun.”
If only we could re-program this alarm so that it went off instead when you were trapped in an awkward conversation with that friend of a friend who wants to know what you do for work or when you’re about to have that late night shot of tequila that promises to ruin your entire Sunday? Outside of joining the priesthood, is there anything we can do about this? Do any of our female readers have any thoughts on the matter?
My take is that society is just far more tolerant of girls complaining. Can you imagine the look on one of your buddies faces if in the course of a baseball game you leaned over in the first inning and told him “I’m cold,” then in the top of the 3rd, “I’m hungry,” then in the bottom of the 8th inning with the score tied and the bases loaded, “I’m not feeling well.” He would look at you with a mixture of confusion and disgust reminiscent of one of those looks that Jack gives Locke every time he sees him in the final episode. You would become a pariah shunned by every self-respecting man on the planet.
And yet, this type of behavior from girls is accepted without a second thought. I mean the amount of times I have heard the girls we hang around with say I’m hungry, you’d think they were more starved than Nicole Richie. And god forbid the temperature drops below 70.2 degrees. With girls these days you might as well throw them out into an arctic snowstorm wearing less than a Maxim centerfold. Oh yeah and don’t get me started on the I’m tired or I’m not feeling well bits. Why do they always seem to coincide perfectly with a guy finally hitting his stride in a beirut game or catching fire on a blackjack table. Do girls have a sensor that goes off? Some kind of alarm that blares, “Your boyfriend is starting to have too much fun… We-ooo… We-ooo… We-ooo, Take action immediately, You’re boyfriend is starting to have too much fun.”
If only we could re-program this alarm so that it went off instead when you were trapped in an awkward conversation with that friend of a friend who wants to know what you do for work or when you’re about to have that late night shot of tequila that promises to ruin your entire Sunday? Outside of joining the priesthood, is there anything we can do about this? Do any of our female readers have any thoughts on the matter?
Friday, May 21, 2010
What Were They Thinking...
What was producer Suge Knight thinking when he pulled a gun on a man yesterday in California?
A. Grab ya glock when you see Tupac
B. Murder was the case that they gave me
C. Next person that calls me Uncle Phil is catching a bullet in their grill
B. Murder was the case that they gave me
C. Next person that calls me Uncle Phil is catching a bullet in their grill
What was disgraced cyclist Floyd Landis thinking when he finally admitted that he used performance enhancing drugs to win the Tour de France?A. This isn't a big deal. When's the last time anyone actually watched cycling?
B. I guess Brian Scalabrine really is the best ginger athlete alive
C. Will you guys please stop calling me Dale Jr.
What was Lindsay Lohan thinking when she decided to skip a probation hearing for her arrest on cocaine possession and was caught on camera partying with a mysterious white powder in Cannes?
A. The old Vodka in the water bottle trick gets em every time
B. How else am I going to get Mattel to model a Jailhouse Barbie after me?
C. That was not coke... it was the baby powder I have been using to stop my GPS anklet from chafing
What was hall of fame pro football player Lawrence Taylor thinking when he allegedly engaged in sexual activity with a 16-year-old prostitute?
A. At least I didn't buy her any booze
B. If you think drinking 41 Coors lights on my draft night was impressive, you should see what I can do now
C. I can't help it if I enjoy working over a tight-end
Not ugly.. but far from hot sauce
Take it easy CW... any chick can look hot with a little airbrushing....My Emphatic Response to SJ's Question of Hot Jessica's
Maybe I've never met them...but they definitely are very, very real
China’s most famous swinger heads to jail
(May 21) -- By day, Ma Yaohai, 53, was a somewhat geeky computer science professor, twice divorced and living with his mother. But by night he was "Roaring Virile Fire," the moniker he used in Internet chat rooms where he trolled looking for new friends to invite to sex parties at his home. In 2007, he started a private swingers club that within two years had 190 members, all local people like taxi drivers, sales clerks and office workers. All of the orgies involved consenting adults, and none were his students. But in China, where promiscuity remains taboo, Ma's sex life has landed him behind bars. A court in the eastern Chinese city of Nanjing sentenced Ma on Thursday to three and a half years in prison for "group licentiousness." It's the first time in more than 12 years that anyone has been charged with violations of that particular Chinese law. "What we did, we did for our own happiness," Ma said back in April at a news conference held at his home. "People chose to do it of their own free will, and they knew they could stop at any time," he said. "We disturbed no one. ... Why is the whole country picking on me?"
I have nothing against sex parties and I was all ready to wave my flag of freedom for Ma Yaohai...maybe even make a friggin t-shirt. But then he had to cry to the media, "Why is the whole country picking on me?". I'm so sick of the whole "poor me" routine. Ma is acting just like Lebron. I mean Lebron makes more money then he can spend and Ma has his pick of the litter within his sex community. Neither of them is exactly roughing it. But both want us to turn a blind eye and respect their privacy when things go awry: Lebron when he caught the early flight back and found his mom giving his teammate some Cleveland steam and Ma when he got exposed as a sexual deviant running a 190 person sex club. Well you don't have to be an expert in PR to know that asking for sympathy ain't going to get them anywhere. They just have to own it. Lebron should come out and call Delonte his step-father and Ma should release some sex tapes and really stick it (pun intended) to the government. I admit the cases aren't really the same and yet they are totally the same. We got the King and the King of Swing. Both wanted all the women, all the fame, and all the fortune. But neither understood that heavy lies the crown.
Girl Gone Wild
MAY 17--Meet Jessica Halter. The Ohio student, 18, was arrested Saturday night at her high school prom after she drunkenly assaulted a policeman, tried to kick a paramedic, and spewed a "bloody ball of spit" at one cop. According to a Lorain Police Department report, an officer working the North Ridgeville High School prom was approached by school administrators who had received several complaints about the "highly intoxicated" Halter. When told of these complaints, Halter replied, "This is my fucking prom, this is bullshit." Halter, her speech slurred, denied drinking alcohol and cursed out the school's principal and assistant principal. "You are fucking bitches, this is my prom, I'm not drunk," said Halter. After refusing to take a Breathalyzer test, Halter attempted to swing a chair at cops, and then began "smacking her forehead into the chair handle causing her nose to bleed." While being handcuffed, Halter "began kicking, screaming, spitting and thrashing about." As she was walked out of DeLuca's catering hall, Halter--screaming obscenities--"let her legs go limp," so officers had to carry the teen to a patrol car. That is when Halter "cleared her throat and spit a bloody ball of spit" at Officer Kyle Gelenius, whose name tag was ripped from his uniform by Halter during the confrontation. Seated in the back of the cruiser, Halter "continued to spit blood on the windows, the divider, and the roof," and kicked the vehicle's window.
Just another entry in the Encyclopedia-sized book of evidence that teenage girls are hazardous to a father's health. On prom night, most fathers are praying to god that their daughter doesn't end up spending the night staring at the ceiling of a Ramada hotel room or fogging up the windows in Tim Riggins' truck.
Not Mr. Halter though. Nope. Instead of getting drunk and making out with QB1, his precious baby girl got loaded and started swinging chairs around like she was Triple H. The only thing that could have made this one better is if Jessica kicked out of Officer Gelenius's arm-bar and threw the Sharpshooter on the poor guy.
On a side note, has anyone ever met a cute Jessica? The only one I can think of is Jessica Rabbit, and although she is ridiculously hot, I think there may be a chance she is not real. With that in mind, I'm guessing Ms. Halter is no prize, but you got to admire her balls. Cursing out the principal and assistant principal is pretty gutsy but when you start kicking paramedics and swinging chairs Macho Man style, were talking grapefruit size cajones.
Just another entry in the Encyclopedia-sized book of evidence that teenage girls are hazardous to a father's health. On prom night, most fathers are praying to god that their daughter doesn't end up spending the night staring at the ceiling of a Ramada hotel room or fogging up the windows in Tim Riggins' truck.
Not Mr. Halter though. Nope. Instead of getting drunk and making out with QB1, his precious baby girl got loaded and started swinging chairs around like she was Triple H. The only thing that could have made this one better is if Jessica kicked out of Officer Gelenius's arm-bar and threw the Sharpshooter on the poor guy.
On a side note, has anyone ever met a cute Jessica? The only one I can think of is Jessica Rabbit, and although she is ridiculously hot, I think there may be a chance she is not real. With that in mind, I'm guessing Ms. Halter is no prize, but you got to admire her balls. Cursing out the principal and assistant principal is pretty gutsy but when you start kicking paramedics and swinging chairs Macho Man style, were talking grapefruit size cajones.
Ninjas come to mugged student's aid
A student in Australia got help from an unlikely source when he was mugged – a group of passing ninjas. Muggers attacked the 27-year-old German medical student as he got off a train, but a student leaving a class at the nearby Ninja Senshi Ryu martial arts school saw what was happening. Five ninjas in full ninja gear ran to help the student, at which point the muggers ran off. Police have since arrested two man on suspicion of the robbery and are looking for a third. The student’s mobile phone and iPod were stolen in the incident. Ninja sensei Kaylan Soto said: “We started running towards them and they took off. They would have seen five of us in ninja gear all in black with our belts on, running toward them. “I think they’re probably still running if I’m not mistaken,” he added.
In Beverly Hills Ninja, my late, great, third cousin Chris Farley explored the phenomenon that is grown men pretending to be ninjas. Farley delivered a masterful performance throughout but I think the following bit of dialogue pretty much sums up the theme of the movie:
Haru (aka Farley): Sensei, believe me, this woman's telling the truth.
Sensei: Haru, you're unable to tell truth from untruth.
Haru: That is impossible. My ninja intuition tells me this!
Sensei: Haru, you do not have ninja intuition! You do not even have NORMAL intuition!
Aside from reminding the world that I'm related to the funniest comedian of all time, I bring up this particular movie and quote because these "ninjas" didn't so much as fight the thieves nevermind catch them. They simply witnessed a crime and called the cops. Not very ninja like if you ask me. I'm no authority on ninjas, but I have watched every Ninja Turtles show/movie and I can't remember them ever calling for the cops. At least not before they had those bad guys blind-folded, gagged, and tied up with a yoyo string lookin' like a couple of Marv Alberts after a weird night of sex (figured it was too soon to go after David Carradine here). So I really don't see what Kaylan Soto is celebrating here. I mean he is acting he is the biggest badass ninja of all time..."they're probably still running"...yea ok dude. Talk to me when you walk the dog on someone's ass. Until then I'll just echo the words of the great Sensei and remind Kaylan Soto...You didn't do what a real ninja would have done! You didn't even do what a NORMAL person would have done!...dork
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Get in my Me-Me-Me... Melly
MAY 17--Angered that drive-thru workers at a Wendy's botched her order, a Florida woman stormed the Daytona Beach restaurant this morning and tried to tase an employee with a stun gun. Melanese Reid, 20, reportedly became enraged after fast food workers failed to provide her with the requisite number of mustard and mayonnaise packets. After Reid and Katrina Bryant, 23, argued with drive-thru employee Jason Hill (and called him "bitch" and "faggot") Hill "told them that they were childish and to leave," according to a charging affidavit prepared by cops. Reid then attempted to slap Hill, but the worker was able to deflect her hand. At that point, witnesses told cops, Reid and Bryant exited their red PT Cruiser and entered the Wendy's. While inside, Reid, armed with a pink Cheetah brand stun gun, chased Hill "around the kitchen/employee area of the restaurant with the Taser turned on and making the 'electric' noises."
If gambling were legal, and I were to set the over / under on Melanese Reid's weight at 220 pounds, what type of odds would I have to give you to bet the under? 100 - 1? 1,000 - 1? I would bet all the money in my bank account and both my legs* that there is no way this lady is clocking in at anything less than a deuce and a half.
I mean how many clues do you need. Most people are looking for extra ketchups at a burger joint like Wendy's, but not Lil Melly. Nope "Tons of Fun" was not satisfied by her Triple Cheeseburger, 50 piece nugget, and large chocolate Frosty, she decided that she needed to douse it all with so much mayo that even Ruben Studdard would have been blushing.
If that wasn't enough, "Get in my Melly"nese is driving around a PT Cruiser and carrying a Taser. I don't know how you spell predator, but I'm guessing it goes a little like M-E-L-A-N-E-S-E. I can just see her sneaking out of the club now with a poor guy like the V-Man slung over her shoulder and drool spilling out of her mouth like a hungry Wildabeast. No doubt her wheelman Katrina would have the PT Cruise ready to go by the back door and next thing you know Vin is waking up trapped between more fat than the cheese in a KFC Double Down.
All I can say is Jason Hill should be thanking his lucky stars that he watched the Discovery channel when he was younger and learned how to run in circles to confuse and elude a larger but slower predator. If not, things could have ended badly.
* Random sidenote, you may want to discount the value of my bet since I'm kinda thinking it may be a decent idea to cut off my legs when I hit 40 anyway and get some of those sweet new curved medal legs that you can run and jump on. I can see myself now at age 50 winning marathons and dunking on CW in one-on-one games... god bless technology
If gambling were legal, and I were to set the over / under on Melanese Reid's weight at 220 pounds, what type of odds would I have to give you to bet the under? 100 - 1? 1,000 - 1? I would bet all the money in my bank account and both my legs* that there is no way this lady is clocking in at anything less than a deuce and a half.
I mean how many clues do you need. Most people are looking for extra ketchups at a burger joint like Wendy's, but not Lil Melly. Nope "Tons of Fun" was not satisfied by her Triple Cheeseburger, 50 piece nugget, and large chocolate Frosty, she decided that she needed to douse it all with so much mayo that even Ruben Studdard would have been blushing.
If that wasn't enough, "Get in my Melly"nese is driving around a PT Cruiser and carrying a Taser. I don't know how you spell predator, but I'm guessing it goes a little like M-E-L-A-N-E-S-E. I can just see her sneaking out of the club now with a poor guy like the V-Man slung over her shoulder and drool spilling out of her mouth like a hungry Wildabeast. No doubt her wheelman Katrina would have the PT Cruise ready to go by the back door and next thing you know Vin is waking up trapped between more fat than the cheese in a KFC Double Down.
All I can say is Jason Hill should be thanking his lucky stars that he watched the Discovery channel when he was younger and learned how to run in circles to confuse and elude a larger but slower predator. If not, things could have ended badly.
* Random sidenote, you may want to discount the value of my bet since I'm kinda thinking it may be a decent idea to cut off my legs when I hit 40 anyway and get some of those sweet new curved medal legs that you can run and jump on. I can see myself now at age 50 winning marathons and dunking on CW in one-on-one games... god bless technology
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Caption Contest...
Mrs. Pollin has just been informed that in keeping with NBA tradition, the representatives of the top 3 picks will be expected to engage in the customary no-strings-attached threesome
Friday, May 14, 2010
Dollar Bill: Pimpin is Easy
WASHINGTON (AFP) – Former US president Bill Clinton is raffling off a day with himself in New York to help his wife Hillary pay off a still hefty debt from her 2008 White House bid.
Anyone who fills in an online form or donates money by Monday on what used to be Hillary Clinton's campaign website -- hillarycampaign08.com -- will have their name put into a hat to win a day out with Bill in New York. The donations will go to pay down what Bill Clinton described in an email sent out earlier this week as "a few vestiges of debt" still hanging over his wife's campaign. A listing on the Federal Election Commission's website shows that Hillary Clinton's campaign is still carrying a debt of 771,000 dollars, owed to market research and consulting firm Penn, Schoen and Berland for "consulting polling/mail expenses."
One comment on the Internet said the Clintons were "in better shape than 99 percent of Americans and really should pay their own bills."
Whether you like Bill Clinton or not, you have to admit the guy is a genius. I bet he was watching the Curb your Enthusiasm when Larry gets auctioned off and has to have lunch with the annoying Seinfeld fan and thought, "hmm...LD made a decent chunk of change for that charity, but he could have made more." You see Bill is an innovator. He wasn't going to let people off easy with an auction where some annoying dude makes a high bid and everyone else hangs their head and keeps their money. Bill doesn't want to chill with some random guy with a man-crush and he doesn't want just one person's money. So he comes up with the idea to create a website and accept donations and then raffle off himself to one of the benefactors. Brilliant idea. Because Billy Boy isn't exactly a model of morality. He'll gladly take money from fat dudes and ugly chicks, but I'm pretty sure he'll have no problem prescreening the candidates before he reaches into that hat. And you can bet your ass that every name in that hat will be a gorgeous woman assuring Bill that he will be wining and dining a smokeshow on those donated dollars. Really an incredible business plan. Bill gets to have his cake and eat it too (and most likely have sex with it as well).
Too much is never enough...
CONNINGHAM, Australia, April 30 (UPI) -- An Australian man pleaded guilty to bigamy after his first wife saw his second wedding photo in a newspaper and went to the police.
Nicholas Trikilis, 44, of Conningham pleaded guilty to bigamy, forgery and giving false information in Hobart Magistrates Court, the Australian Broadcasting Corp. reported Friday.
Trikilis forged divorce papers and married his second wife in 2008, court records showed.
His first wife saw a wedding photo he submitted to a local newspaper and reported him to police.
Magistrate Michael Daly sentenced Trikilis to six months in prison, which was suspended for five years, and ordered him to pay a fine of more than $1,800.
Hold the phone... Nicholas Trik-"or Treat"-ilis had the cunning and know-how to forge his divorce papers but was dumb enough to submit a wedding photo of he and the second wife to a local newspaper that his first wife reads? There has got to be something going on here. I have two theories.
Theory 1: Forgery is just not that hard. Despite what the James Bond movies tell us, you don't need some special forgery artist (seems like in the movies there is always only 1 guy that can get the job done) to create a perfect replica for you. Most people are predisposed to believe that what you are telling them is true. My guess is that in most cases forging divorce papers or any other document is easier than a Lohan sister. Probably pull a template from the internet, throw a few John Hancocks on the thing, and there you are... sunny times.
Theory 2: Saint Nick was doing a pretty good job keeping things under wraps. He successfully fooled the local government with the phony divorce papers, he had a careful plan of where he took each woman out to dinner so that they never ran into each other or even into close friends, he had a carefully crafted cover story of a high stress job with lots of overnight trips, and he was getting more ass than the High School Musical cast. Life was pretty good for Nicky boy. Then disaster struck.
Feeling more invincible than Tiger Woods, Nick got caught up with a third woman. As his time was again divided, his second wife started to feel neglected and began nagging him about the fact that he never took her out anymore, and was he embarrassed to be seen with her. All this culminated into a blowout fight one night where Nick's second wife finally through the hay-maker... "and you didn't even submit our wedding photos to the town gazette, do you not love me?" Nick had no choice but to take drastic measures. He bided his time until he saw a big media story... in this case, ash clouds all over Europe. He then called in a favor at the town paper and got his wedding pic, posted in the middle of the wedding section, so as not to be too conspicuous. His plan seemed to go off without a hitch until one of his first wife's friends noticed the picture and the whole thing fell apart faster than one of those old cap guns.
I think the moral of this story is one wife is all any man can handle
Nicholas Trikilis, 44, of Conningham pleaded guilty to bigamy, forgery and giving false information in Hobart Magistrates Court, the Australian Broadcasting Corp. reported Friday.
Trikilis forged divorce papers and married his second wife in 2008, court records showed.
His first wife saw a wedding photo he submitted to a local newspaper and reported him to police.
Magistrate Michael Daly sentenced Trikilis to six months in prison, which was suspended for five years, and ordered him to pay a fine of more than $1,800.
Hold the phone... Nicholas Trik-"or Treat"-ilis had the cunning and know-how to forge his divorce papers but was dumb enough to submit a wedding photo of he and the second wife to a local newspaper that his first wife reads? There has got to be something going on here. I have two theories.
Theory 1: Forgery is just not that hard. Despite what the James Bond movies tell us, you don't need some special forgery artist (seems like in the movies there is always only 1 guy that can get the job done) to create a perfect replica for you. Most people are predisposed to believe that what you are telling them is true. My guess is that in most cases forging divorce papers or any other document is easier than a Lohan sister. Probably pull a template from the internet, throw a few John Hancocks on the thing, and there you are... sunny times.
Theory 2: Saint Nick was doing a pretty good job keeping things under wraps. He successfully fooled the local government with the phony divorce papers, he had a careful plan of where he took each woman out to dinner so that they never ran into each other or even into close friends, he had a carefully crafted cover story of a high stress job with lots of overnight trips, and he was getting more ass than the High School Musical cast. Life was pretty good for Nicky boy. Then disaster struck.
Feeling more invincible than Tiger Woods, Nick got caught up with a third woman. As his time was again divided, his second wife started to feel neglected and began nagging him about the fact that he never took her out anymore, and was he embarrassed to be seen with her. All this culminated into a blowout fight one night where Nick's second wife finally through the hay-maker... "and you didn't even submit our wedding photos to the town gazette, do you not love me?" Nick had no choice but to take drastic measures. He bided his time until he saw a big media story... in this case, ash clouds all over Europe. He then called in a favor at the town paper and got his wedding pic, posted in the middle of the wedding section, so as not to be too conspicuous. His plan seemed to go off without a hitch until one of his first wife's friends noticed the picture and the whole thing fell apart faster than one of those old cap guns.
I think the moral of this story is one wife is all any man can handle
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Phillies bullpen coach busted using binoculars
DENVER—Binoculars in the bullpen? Major League Baseball isn't happy, and has told the Philadelphia Phillies to knock it off.
The Phillies insisted Wednesday they weren't trying to steal signs when bullpen coach Mick Billmeyer was caught on camera peering through binoculars from the bullpen bench at Coors Field earlier this week. Manager Charlie Manuel told The Associated Press that Billmeyer simply was watching Philadelphia catcher Carlos Ruiz set up defensively Monday night.
FSN Rocky Mountain, the flagship broadcaster of the Colorado Rockies, showed Billmeyer using the binoculars to peer in on Colorado catcher Miguel Olivo while the Phillies were at bat in the top of the second inning. It also showed a quick image of Phillies center fielder Shane Victorino in the dugout on the bullpen phone in the top of the second. "We were not trying to steal signs," Manuel said. "Would we try to steal somebody's signs? Yeah, if we can. But we don't do that. We're not going to let a guy stand up there in the bullpen with binoculars looking in. We're smarter than that."
First I just gotta say I love Charlie Manuel's strategy here. The old "if I could lie, cheat, and steal I obviously would, but I would never be dumb enough to do it right in front of your face" defense never fails. It got OJ off when he convinced the jury he wouldn't be dumb enough to leave a bloody glove at the murder scene, and now Charlie is trying to bail out Rick Billmeyer and Shane Victorino. But I think he is telling the truth when he says his guys weren't stealing signs...just not the whole truth.
The Phillies insisted Wednesday they weren't trying to steal signs when bullpen coach Mick Billmeyer was caught on camera peering through binoculars from the bullpen bench at Coors Field earlier this week. Manager Charlie Manuel told The Associated Press that Billmeyer simply was watching Philadelphia catcher Carlos Ruiz set up defensively Monday night.
FSN Rocky Mountain, the flagship broadcaster of the Colorado Rockies, showed Billmeyer using the binoculars to peer in on Colorado catcher Miguel Olivo while the Phillies were at bat in the top of the second inning. It also showed a quick image of Phillies center fielder Shane Victorino in the dugout on the bullpen phone in the top of the second. "We were not trying to steal signs," Manuel said. "Would we try to steal somebody's signs? Yeah, if we can. But we don't do that. We're not going to let a guy stand up there in the bullpen with binoculars looking in. We're smarter than that."
First I just gotta say I love Charlie Manuel's strategy here. The old "if I could lie, cheat, and steal I obviously would, but I would never be dumb enough to do it right in front of your face" defense never fails. It got OJ off when he convinced the jury he wouldn't be dumb enough to leave a bloody glove at the murder scene, and now Charlie is trying to bail out Rick Billmeyer and Shane Victorino. But I think he is telling the truth when he says his guys weren't stealing signs...just not the whole truth.
If I was running this investigation I'd have a few questions for Chuck...Like why would Billmeyer be "watching how the Phillies catcher was setting up defensively" when the Phillies were the ones up to bat? And why would he be calling up Victorino to report that information? Doesn't really add up. I have my own theory: Billmeyer was checking out the talent in the stands and relaying the coordinates to Victorino who could then locate the chicks, make eye contact, maybe throw them a ball with his number on it, and bingo-bango Bill and Shane got their entertainment for the night. I know its unthinkable....barbaric even...to think that these guys might go for some groupies on the road but when your dealing with a couple of guys with first names contained in their last names like Rick "Bill"meyer and Shane "Victor"ino you have to lower your expectations a bit. Case closed.
By the way I have a confession....I can't tell you how many times I used to rig the deck while playing War against my little brother (circa 1993). I would always make sure I had every single ace coming my way. When my little brother would get suspicious I'd be like "Bro, you think I would rig the deck so I got every ace every single time?? I'm not stupid enough to do that! You'd obviously know cuz your so smart." Worked like a charm. Thanks CourtTV.
By the way I have a confession....I can't tell you how many times I used to rig the deck while playing War against my little brother (circa 1993). I would always make sure I had every single ace coming my way. When my little brother would get suspicious I'd be like "Bro, you think I would rig the deck so I got every ace every single time?? I'm not stupid enough to do that! You'd obviously know cuz your so smart." Worked like a charm. Thanks CourtTV.
Scariest Character of All Time?
I don't even know where to start with Lost and I don't want to spoil anything for people that have weak DVR game (TJ and Julie), but I do have to comment on the woman they cast as Jacob's predecessor. Last night when I was watching Lost I was crapping my pants any time the lady came on the screen. At first I just thought it was the fact that I have always been freaked out by old women with frizzy hair and crazy eyes (I think its safe to say they are the second scariest type of people right behind possessed little kids). But then I realized the reason I was so apprehensive was because they cast that lunatic mother from Carrie for the role. That old bat has been giving me nightmares for 15 years and now it seems like I'll never get her out of my head. I went and tried to confirm that this was the same actress but IMDB is telling me it's two different people - I ain't buying that for a second though. There is no way in hell this isn't the same lady. I know there are a lot of interchangable actors/actresses (Ethan Hawk vs. Brad Pitt or Jennifer Garner vs. Katie Holmes) but the last time I checked the "I have a real crazy look in my eyes at all times" hasn't been pulled off by many actresses - let alone two look-a-likes with frizzy Susan Sarandon hair.
Lebron James Doesn't Make Excuses!!!
As for the elbow, if it is bothering him, James would not admit it. He had said prior to the series that the only thing that would heal his bruise and strain is rest -- and he's not getting it in the playoffs. I'm not an excuse guy," he said. "The fact that I've spoiled a lot of people with my play, when you have a bad game here or there, when you have three bad games in a seven-year career, it's easy to point that out. I just got to be better. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be out there and try to be great, be the best player on the court. When I'm not, I feel bad for myself because I'm not going out there and doing the things I can do. But I don't hang my head or make excuses about anything going on, because that's not the type of player or person I am." Boo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hooo. Poor Lebron. First the elbow injury and now you had to deal with not being the best player on the court. I'd feel bad for myself too. But don't worry about your fans, Lebron. You've spoiled them with tons of regular season wins. Who are they to point out that you got completely shut-down against the Celtics last night!?! They should call you the best, compare you to Jordan, and never - ever - question whether or not you deserve that praise when you flop in the playoffs.
p.s. love the contradiction in this article - if it is bothering him, James would not admit it. He had said prior to the series that the only thing that would heal his bruise and strain is rest -- and he's not getting it in the playoffs....so he said the only thing that would heal it is rest which he knows he won't get, but then proclaims, "But I don't hang my head or make excuses about anything going on, because that's not the type of player or person I am."....WHAT?
My take: Lebron is actually more of a Pippen. He does it all but would be better as a second fiddle (albeit a top player in NBA history) who doesn't have the pressure on his shoulders. I think he should go join Wade (who I also can't stand) because he has already proven he can do it - Miami would be unstoppable with those two guys.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Do you smell what the Hoff is Cooking?
A dispute between a Bend dog owner and a dog waste removal service got more than a little messy this week, when The Bomb Squad went from collecting - to depositing.
Melinda Hofmann, owner of The Bomb Squad dog waste pick-up service, tried to collect a $150 payment from Deborah Dillow on Monday night. When Dillow didn't answer the door, Hofmann went to her truck to write another notice - but she quickly changed her mind.
"I started to go back and write another note, but I just decided to give her poop back," Hofmann said Wednesday.
So then, from the back end of her truck, Hofmann started slinging feces - 30 gallons of it, according to police - onto Dillow's front yard.
Hofmann admitted she wasn't exactly thinking rationally at the time, but that didn't stop her.
"Actually, once I started doing it, I kind of lost all rational thought together and I just got into this mode of emptying bags," she said. "And as I was flinging the poo all over her yard - it felt really good, and I just kept doing it."
Hofmann has been making a living picking up other people's dog poop for about 10 years.
Got to admire Ms. Hoffman here. Not only did she have the patience and determination to run a pooper scooper business for 10 straight years, but she also had the foresight to name her poop removal company the "Bomb Squad." Never has a company name rang more true than last weekend when The Hoff dropped a big ole deuce in the middle of one of her customer's lawns.
She could have named her company the "Poop Troop," "Dirty Work", or "Shit be Gone," but that would not have inspired the same fear in the hearts of her customers as when they hear the old Bomb Squad minivan speeding towards their home. More importantly, if you think any of her other customers are going to try to pay late or cancel their service after they see what happens when you get on the wrong side of the "Bomb Squad," think again. Melinda Hoffman does not mess around. 30 gallons of feces, what happened? Laser Show, Relax. Melinda's advanced poop slinging technique covers ground quicker than a young Ken Griffey... so proceed at your own risk.
On a related note, is it just me or are all Melinda's a little crazy? I only know 3, but one is married to Danny, the worst realworld / roadrules all-star of all time, one is married to Bill Gates, (with that kind of dough she has got to be a little off right), and then we have Melinda "Stink Palm" Hoffman. Check and mate.
Melinda Hofmann, owner of The Bomb Squad dog waste pick-up service, tried to collect a $150 payment from Deborah Dillow on Monday night. When Dillow didn't answer the door, Hofmann went to her truck to write another notice - but she quickly changed her mind.
"I started to go back and write another note, but I just decided to give her poop back," Hofmann said Wednesday.
So then, from the back end of her truck, Hofmann started slinging feces - 30 gallons of it, according to police - onto Dillow's front yard.
Hofmann admitted she wasn't exactly thinking rationally at the time, but that didn't stop her.
"Actually, once I started doing it, I kind of lost all rational thought together and I just got into this mode of emptying bags," she said. "And as I was flinging the poo all over her yard - it felt really good, and I just kept doing it."
Hofmann has been making a living picking up other people's dog poop for about 10 years.
Got to admire Ms. Hoffman here. Not only did she have the patience and determination to run a pooper scooper business for 10 straight years, but she also had the foresight to name her poop removal company the "Bomb Squad." Never has a company name rang more true than last weekend when The Hoff dropped a big ole deuce in the middle of one of her customer's lawns.
She could have named her company the "Poop Troop," "Dirty Work", or "Shit be Gone," but that would not have inspired the same fear in the hearts of her customers as when they hear the old Bomb Squad minivan speeding towards their home. More importantly, if you think any of her other customers are going to try to pay late or cancel their service after they see what happens when you get on the wrong side of the "Bomb Squad," think again. Melinda Hoffman does not mess around. 30 gallons of feces, what happened? Laser Show, Relax. Melinda's advanced poop slinging technique covers ground quicker than a young Ken Griffey... so proceed at your own risk.
On a related note, is it just me or are all Melinda's a little crazy? I only know 3, but one is married to Danny, the worst realworld / roadrules all-star of all time, one is married to Bill Gates, (with that kind of dough she has got to be a little off right), and then we have Melinda "Stink Palm" Hoffman. Check and mate.
Show to Watch
Summer sucks for those of us who stay on top of their DVR game, but it gives everyone with jobs or social lives a chance to catch up on some shows they are missing out on. My number one show that everyone should watch is Breaking Bad. It starts a little slow in the first season but this is by far the best non-reality show on TV right now - Survivor of course takes the best show overall award. I feel like I'm the only person in the world who watches this show, but I think it will end up having a "Wire" type of following once people catch on. This blog obviously isn't funny at all....I'm just sick of having no one to talk to about this show.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
What were they thinking....
What was Gilbert Arenas thinking when he brought two guns into the Washington wizards lockeroom during practice?
A. Call me Agent Zero Zero Seven
B. They should have never changed the team name from the Washington Bullets
C. I'll show you what's eating Gilbert Grape
What was Heather Locklear thinking when she fled the scene after running into a no parking sign?
A. The sign did say no parking
B. I'll show Britney and Lindsay how we do a DUI in the pros
C. If either of my ex-husbands has a lower blood alcohol content than me right now, I'll go straight to jail without passing Go
What was Larry King thinking when he divorced his 7th wife?
A. Look at me, Im as shocked as anyone that i got 7 different women to marry me
B. It was either divorce #7 or heart attack #3. With medical costs these days it just made financial sense to ditch the deb
C. So I like weddings. What of it?
What was John Gosselin thinking when he sued his ex-wife for custody of their 8 kids?
A. Those 8 little bastards are a gold mine
B. If I get the kids, maybe I'll get my invite to dancing with the stars
C. Kate minus 8 and still needs to lose some weight has a nice ring to it
A. Call me Agent Zero Zero Seven
B. They should have never changed the team name from the Washington Bullets
C. I'll show you what's eating Gilbert Grape
What was Heather Locklear thinking when she fled the scene after running into a no parking sign?
A. The sign did say no parking
B. I'll show Britney and Lindsay how we do a DUI in the pros
C. If either of my ex-husbands has a lower blood alcohol content than me right now, I'll go straight to jail without passing Go
What was Larry King thinking when he divorced his 7th wife?
A. Look at me, Im as shocked as anyone that i got 7 different women to marry me
B. It was either divorce #7 or heart attack #3. With medical costs these days it just made financial sense to ditch the deb
C. So I like weddings. What of it?
What was John Gosselin thinking when he sued his ex-wife for custody of their 8 kids?
A. Those 8 little bastards are a gold mine
B. If I get the kids, maybe I'll get my invite to dancing with the stars
C. Kate minus 8 and still needs to lose some weight has a nice ring to it
Ripping Reilly
"Let's play a game. I'll describe a childhood, and you figure out who had it.
Person No. 1 -- Raised in his grandmother's brothel, the son of a prostitute, he was raped by a neighbor at 6 and molested by a Catholic priest during catechism.
Person No. 2 -- Considered useless and distant, teachers wrote of him, as noted in Catherine Hurley's "Could do Better": "Certainly on the road to failure … hopeless … rather a clown in class … wasting other pupils' time."
Person No. 3 -- Raised in the brothel run by his aunt, he was once sent home from school for "insufficient clothes" and was arrested at 15 for breaking into cars.
Give up?
1. Richard Pryor.
2. John Lennon.
3. James Brown.
Arguably the greatest comedian, songwriter and soul singer of the 20th century, respectively.
The question isn't: "Why did Miami Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland ask Oklahoma State wide receiver Dez Bryant if his mom was a prostitute?" The question is: "Why should it matter?"
You're not drafting the mom, you're drafting the son! Supposing it's true that Angela Bryant was a prostitute at 15 when she had Dez, how does it reflect on his worth? How is it relevant? What was he supposed to do about it?"
This article is the epitome of why I hate Rick Reilly's articles. Since Rick has surprisingly little sports insight to offer (in fact not sure I have ever read a sports point from Rick that wasn't either blatantly obvious or some kind of politically correct commentary on life in the guise of a sports article), he tries to find some sports related controversy or injustice that he can pedantically opine about while avoiding having to provide any sports insight at all.
In this article Rick decides that he is going to rally against NFL GMs that asked about a draft pick's family life. If I was making a multi-million dollar investment decision, I would probably want to know in detail about the background of the business or asset I was buying. I don't see why it is any different for these NFL players.
The fact that Ricky boy thinks that trotting out a few success stories proves his point that Bryant's family history should not matter is ridiculous. I agree that someone can grow up with a level head and succeed coming from his background but my guess is that the odds of him not being a head case are about as good as Antoine Walker becoming a successful professional gambler.
For every Dwayne Wade that made it I'm sure there are about 100 head cases that faded faster than a dip buzz. So if I was the Miami dolphins GM, I would not be apologizing. Fez Bryant could well go on to become the next Jerry Rice, but if I were making the decision I would want the facts. Odds are even with his talent he is far more likely to become the next PacMan or worse.
Don't get me wrong I'm going to root for the guy, but when you got to put your money where your mouth is I would prob go with the odds.
Person No. 1 -- Raised in his grandmother's brothel, the son of a prostitute, he was raped by a neighbor at 6 and molested by a Catholic priest during catechism.
Person No. 2 -- Considered useless and distant, teachers wrote of him, as noted in Catherine Hurley's "Could do Better": "Certainly on the road to failure … hopeless … rather a clown in class … wasting other pupils' time."
Person No. 3 -- Raised in the brothel run by his aunt, he was once sent home from school for "insufficient clothes" and was arrested at 15 for breaking into cars.
Give up?
1. Richard Pryor.
2. John Lennon.
3. James Brown.
Arguably the greatest comedian, songwriter and soul singer of the 20th century, respectively.
The question isn't: "Why did Miami Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland ask Oklahoma State wide receiver Dez Bryant if his mom was a prostitute?" The question is: "Why should it matter?"
You're not drafting the mom, you're drafting the son! Supposing it's true that Angela Bryant was a prostitute at 15 when she had Dez, how does it reflect on his worth? How is it relevant? What was he supposed to do about it?"
This article is the epitome of why I hate Rick Reilly's articles. Since Rick has surprisingly little sports insight to offer (in fact not sure I have ever read a sports point from Rick that wasn't either blatantly obvious or some kind of politically correct commentary on life in the guise of a sports article), he tries to find some sports related controversy or injustice that he can pedantically opine about while avoiding having to provide any sports insight at all.
In this article Rick decides that he is going to rally against NFL GMs that asked about a draft pick's family life. If I was making a multi-million dollar investment decision, I would probably want to know in detail about the background of the business or asset I was buying. I don't see why it is any different for these NFL players.
The fact that Ricky boy thinks that trotting out a few success stories proves his point that Bryant's family history should not matter is ridiculous. I agree that someone can grow up with a level head and succeed coming from his background but my guess is that the odds of him not being a head case are about as good as Antoine Walker becoming a successful professional gambler.
For every Dwayne Wade that made it I'm sure there are about 100 head cases that faded faster than a dip buzz. So if I was the Miami dolphins GM, I would not be apologizing. Fez Bryant could well go on to become the next Jerry Rice, but if I were making the decision I would want the facts. Odds are even with his talent he is far more likely to become the next PacMan or worse.
Don't get me wrong I'm going to root for the guy, but when you got to put your money where your mouth is I would prob go with the odds.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Quit Hooking Up
Nashville, Tennessee (CNN) -- Almost every weekend, there is a tradition called raging at Vanderbilt University. It's a recurring, drunken activity that isn't the proudest moment for student Frannie Boyle. After consuming large quantities of alcohol before a party, her night would sometimes end in making out with a stranger or acquaintance.
Casual hook ups fueled by alcohol may be the norm across college campuses, but Boyle, now a 21-year-old junior at the school, chose to stop. Her reasons to quit hooking up echo the emotional devastation of many college students, particularly girls whose hearts are broken by the hook-up scene.
"I saw it [hooking up] as a way to be recognized and get satisfaction," said Boyle, shaking her blond ponytail. "I felt so empty then."
The hook-up culture on campuses may seem more pervasive than ever, especially as media outlets, books and documentaries rush to dissect the subject, but some college women and men are saying no.
Some, like Boyle, experimented with hooking up and quit. Though she is Catholic, she says her reason for disengaging herself from the hook-up culture had more to do with the unhappiness she experienced afterward. Others influenced by religion have abstained from casual physical activity from the moment they set foot on campus.
The idea of rejecting hook-ups may not be as strange as it sounds in a generation surrounded by sex. Pop star Lady Gaga recently announced she was celibate and encouraged others to follow. In Kelly Clarkson's song "I Don't Hook Up," she addresses the dominant hook-up culture: "I do not hook up, up I go slow, so if you want me I don't come cheap."
What are the odds that Frannie Boyle looks like a mix between Carrot Top and Ugly Betty (I know just imagining that mixture made me throw up in my mouth a little bit)? If I was a gambling man, I would wager almost everything I have that Frannie did not simply decide to "Stop hooking up." Forgive me for not believing Frannie (even her name screams Kelly Osbourne look-alike doesn't it) when she says that hooking up made her feel empty, but my guess is that one of two things happened.
1. Frannie's parents opened her laptop up and saw some not too flattering pictures of their baby girl doing her best Jenna Jameson impression with half of the Lacrosse team. Rather than copping to her indiscretions, Frannie decided to play the victim, blaming the "hooking up culture" and the alcohol-fueled,"raging" that makes it sound like Tiger Woods made the wrong decision when he chose Stanford over Vanderbilt, as the reasons she went astray. I'm not buying whatever story Frannie is selling, but can't blame her for trying. Playing the innocent victim of a sex-crazed university atmosphere was actually not a bad try.
2. Frannie is so sick of not getting any ass that she has decided to try a little reverse psychology. By claiming that she is "done" with hooking up, Frannie is hoping to drum up some interest from those guys that like a challenge... Unfortunately, what Fran "the man" is underestimating is that the whole "hard to get" routine only works for hot chicks. I mean when was the last time you saw Rikki Lake or Phyllis from the office playing hard to get? Just doesn't work that way. Again can't blame Frannie for trying... when the fastball isn't working you gotta try to work in some off-speed stuff, but I think the frat boys down at Vandy are going to see right through this one.
In this case, my advice to her would be to go trolling by the science center, see if you can get an underclassmen fresh out of chem lab, and just go for it.. 50-50 shot, but its got to be better than what she's got going on now.
Other thoughts about what's eating Frannie Boyle?
Casual hook ups fueled by alcohol may be the norm across college campuses, but Boyle, now a 21-year-old junior at the school, chose to stop. Her reasons to quit hooking up echo the emotional devastation of many college students, particularly girls whose hearts are broken by the hook-up scene.
"I saw it [hooking up] as a way to be recognized and get satisfaction," said Boyle, shaking her blond ponytail. "I felt so empty then."
The hook-up culture on campuses may seem more pervasive than ever, especially as media outlets, books and documentaries rush to dissect the subject, but some college women and men are saying no.
Some, like Boyle, experimented with hooking up and quit. Though she is Catholic, she says her reason for disengaging herself from the hook-up culture had more to do with the unhappiness she experienced afterward. Others influenced by religion have abstained from casual physical activity from the moment they set foot on campus.
The idea of rejecting hook-ups may not be as strange as it sounds in a generation surrounded by sex. Pop star Lady Gaga recently announced she was celibate and encouraged others to follow. In Kelly Clarkson's song "I Don't Hook Up," she addresses the dominant hook-up culture: "I do not hook up, up I go slow, so if you want me I don't come cheap."
What are the odds that Frannie Boyle looks like a mix between Carrot Top and Ugly Betty (I know just imagining that mixture made me throw up in my mouth a little bit)? If I was a gambling man, I would wager almost everything I have that Frannie did not simply decide to "Stop hooking up." Forgive me for not believing Frannie (even her name screams Kelly Osbourne look-alike doesn't it) when she says that hooking up made her feel empty, but my guess is that one of two things happened.
1. Frannie's parents opened her laptop up and saw some not too flattering pictures of their baby girl doing her best Jenna Jameson impression with half of the Lacrosse team. Rather than copping to her indiscretions, Frannie decided to play the victim, blaming the "hooking up culture" and the alcohol-fueled,"raging" that makes it sound like Tiger Woods made the wrong decision when he chose Stanford over Vanderbilt, as the reasons she went astray. I'm not buying whatever story Frannie is selling, but can't blame her for trying. Playing the innocent victim of a sex-crazed university atmosphere was actually not a bad try.
2. Frannie is so sick of not getting any ass that she has decided to try a little reverse psychology. By claiming that she is "done" with hooking up, Frannie is hoping to drum up some interest from those guys that like a challenge... Unfortunately, what Fran "the man" is underestimating is that the whole "hard to get" routine only works for hot chicks. I mean when was the last time you saw Rikki Lake or Phyllis from the office playing hard to get? Just doesn't work that way. Again can't blame Frannie for trying... when the fastball isn't working you gotta try to work in some off-speed stuff, but I think the frat boys down at Vandy are going to see right through this one.
In this case, my advice to her would be to go trolling by the science center, see if you can get an underclassmen fresh out of chem lab, and just go for it.. 50-50 shot, but its got to be better than what she's got going on now.
Other thoughts about what's eating Frannie Boyle?
Monday, May 3, 2010
Is Bill Belichick a never nude?
Cut-off hoodie...cut-off sweatpants...the model of consistency.
Try and control yourself, Doyle.
Man eats 1,500 lightbulbs
A Chinese man has eaten more than 1,500 light bulbs since he was aged 12. Wang Xianjun, 54, of Sichuan Province, started to snack on broken glass because he says it is 'crispy and delicious.' He recalls: "I accidentally swallowed a piece of thick fish bone, but nothing happened. With curiosity, I tried several pieces of broken glasses secretly and nothing happened also." From then on, from time to time Wang would eat a light bulb. "I am not eating it every day, but from time to time. 'I only eat the light bulb during my breakfast, and each day no more than one bulb." When eating a light bulb Wang first smashes it before swallowing it piece by piece, sipping from a glass of water. Wang's family said they have taken him to have checkups in the hospital, but it would seem that his unusual diet has had no adverse effects.
Not impressed. Not impressed at all. Anyone could do this. Mash up a lightbulb like a rice ball, drizzle it with A1 or some Franks, and down the hatch....no problem. Talk to me when you can down a whole light bulb like the picture suggests bro. Until then keep you weird habit to yourself.
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