So I hate to keep coming back to this topic but I spend a lot of time in el bano during work so I've become a little particular about bathrooms and bathroom etiquette...
Now, I've already touched on the number one bathroom issue across America and that's of course the stall pissers. The second biggest nuissance in the bathroom are the "I'm too stupid to notice that the door is closed and someone is in the stall so I'm going to jiggle the handle/push on the door and make them feel uncomfortable" type of people. Now I know some bathrooms are nicer than others (actual doors ect ect), but in the standard bathroom it is pretty obvious if a stall is occupied. I can't speak for the ladies but in a men's room there are a lot of hard-to-miss indicators like a closed door, the hanging feet, or some mix of hard/breathing/grunting/farting/ardor. Yet, I've rarely had an experience during a high volume time in which someone wasn't seemingly trying to barge in a take a dump on me. I realize that the people executing the "handle jiggle/door push" are probably pot committed and in a desperate turtle-head situation but the effort is crucial time wasted - plain and simple. Trust me I've been there. I never crapped my pants but I've been close before. Fortunately I was sensible under pressure. I understood that a stall is made for one and that pulling a SeaBass wasn't going to fly in the workplace so I squeezed my cheeks and speedwalked the shit out of the office hallways to the nearest alternative. And everyone else should do the same because whenever someone pressures me with a handle jiggle I am inclined to stay longer...not because I want the person to crap themselves...but because I don't want a direct follow-up (for the layman - a person who enters the stall immediately after you exit). A follow-up is career suicide, folks. Try climbing the corporate ladder with a nickname like "streaks" or "veggie fart"...it's just not going to happen. So whenever I even hear someone come in the door I always wait to ensure that they either occupy a different stall or go urinal (if the person is a fake pisser then that's their problem). Once I know it's safe I always get to the sink a soon as possible because this essentially frees you of blame. Now I went off on a bit of a tangent there but my main plea is that people stop trying to get into stalls they know are occupied because its making everyone else extremely uncomfortable in a place that should be free of the angst that plagues the rest of the office.
p.s. I obviously love coming back to this topic and there is more where this came from if people are digging the bathroom commentary
A possible solution, install a system where when the door is locked, a flag raises. I feel this could be a fun way to notify possible intruders that the area is occupied. I personally would have a pirate flag raise everytime, showing a bad ass is taking a bad ass shit. Or maybe even a confederate flag, representing the hurt I am inducing on the little black craps I'm taking (not meant to be racist, just a lil comedy, drum roll, symball).
ReplyDeleteWhile we're on the topic, I propose every stall have equal area as the handicap stall. I know that request is a little bit unreasonable, but I really don't appreciate noticing people's shoes, remembering, and then feeling awkward when I see them in the hall. In addition, seeing the hand pull toilet paper from the stall over, cause myself to be a little hesitant to drop sally. Fortunately, my dumps are usually taken in the morning, when I'm wearing my walking shoes. Then I make the transfer to my work shoes, no one knows I was even there, committing.
You've already proven yourself wily veteran in the ways of bathroom etiquette, Liver. Great thinking on the handicap stall or no stall at all proposition. I've run into the same problem and it no doubt increases awkwardness at the office.
ReplyDeleteAt face value, I think your flag idea is a pretty good one, too...you see the method on airplanes and on port-a-potties - why not in every bathroom? The only problem is I think some people would still "put the pressure" on by hitting the door or whatever because they think that will make the person get out when in actuality it's going to become a game of chicken between the guys currently occupying all the stalls...and with the job I currently have and currently hate, that is a game I will never lose I do declareee
I feel your pain in the bathroom, but can we get into a real debate here? The topic is Survivor and we got a duel brewing that could to the Teens what Bird v. Magic was for the 80s.
ReplyDeleteSince Tom, who basically played the role of 80s Dr. J, a little past his prime.. but still someone you never want to see on the other side of a challenge, was voted off in a suicide move by the defunct Zeroes squad, it has come down to Russel v. Boston Rob.
I defy anyone to watch this season and tell me this is not the most compelling matchup on TV right now. Ovechkin / Crosby, Lebron / Kobe, no-name final 4, Bizarro Locke vs. Dead Jacob, nothing comes close right now.
You've got a maniacal elf with a penchant for deceit and the CT of survivor, who while he makes very Boston kid cringe that he is representing us, just happens to crush challenges like Big Ben crushes chicks, who don't want him.
Russel somehow came back from the dead last week, with a performance reminiscent of Willis Reed hobbling out onto the MSG floor to spark his team to a final victory. By tricking Tyson Russel vaulted his alliance back into the game and swung momentum back his way.
But don't underestimate B-Rob. The guy has ice water running through his veins. Just like the hick from french lick, his appearance causes people to constantly underestimate the cerebral nature of his game, but its there.
All I have to say is I can't wait to see how it all ends. My money is on the man from Boston, but this is going to go down as one for the ages. I already know that Coach is going to play the goat, but in doing so he is going to give someone a pivotal advantage... let's just hope its our man Rob.